Good Things Come in Small Packages
by missk14
Summary: Tension is rife between Nick and Jen who, after an abrupt argument haven't spoken to each other in a week. But can one small and unexpected event change things between them? Or are they meant to stay apart?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Finally posting this after it's been sitting on my computer for a good few months, since about March/April- yes it's taken me that long to think of a title, they've never really been my thing haha. And well surprise surprise but this fic is yet another Nick&Jen story...but let's be honest they're incredibly adorable together and the best pairing on CH :D haha. So enjoy reading! And a gigantore thankyou to Riss who read through every single one of these chapters and endured many conversations which involved me complaining about how dodgy I thought several chapters were haha THANKYOU!

Happy readings everyone :) xxx

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**Chapter One.**

The tension between the two of them could have been cut clean with a knife. It had been a week since they'd spoken properly. A week too long, Nick thought. It wasn't like Jen to forego speaking to him or seeing him. Not a day had gone by since that blissful afternoon when they reunited that they hadn't been together at night. Every single night it was the same content ritual. Nick would make eyes at Jen as he sat at his desk and she would do everything she could to suppress the smile that was fighting to be seen. Then they'd say their goodbyes and then Nick would leave, Jen making her exit at differing times after his exit so not to draw any unwanted attention. Once they were both safely out of the confines of the office they'd make a beeline for either Nick's house or Jen's. In the beginning they had alternated but without really thinking they found themselves at Nick's place more often, Jen had all but moved in. Nick, being an only child, had always been semi reluctant to share his space despite his kind and generous nature. But there was something about a certain female detective that made him lose all the control he thought he had and he would find himself weakening at the knees and letting her into his life whole heartedly.

To begin with they'd made a point of having dinner and talking until all hours, there was a gaping hole missing in their relationship. There were years of their lives together that had been missed out on. Jen found there to be nothing more fascinating than learning so much about a man she thought she knew well and Nick loved hearing Jen speak about anything with such passion and vitality. They were a pair that certainly proved the notion of soul mates. Nick Buchanan and Jennifer Mapplethorpe were made for each other, there was no denying it. The talking would cease eventually and in the past week they'd found themselves letting their dinner go cold instead focussing on a more insatiable hunger. Nothing ever got blasé or routine for either of them about making love. Their love for one another was so intense and beyond comprehension for either of them that it always felt wonderful and brand new each time.

They had their evenings all strategically planned out like they were out on one of their undercover operations. But they'd both agreed unanimously that all the hiding and secrecy was worth it, they'd learnt their lessons in how precious life was and they didn't want to waste a moment. Everything was perfect for the two of them up until seven days ago when after a heated discussion over something so petty Nick couldn't reason as to why they were even fighting, Jen had walked out of his house and they hadn't spoken properly since.

He couldn't fathom what had happened to her to make her react like she did. But it pained him to see that something was worrying her. It killed him on the inside to see her so hurt and afraid, it was written all over her face and no matter how much she tried to hide it from him he could see it a mile away.

Jen almost resented Matt for pairing her and Nick together on their current investigation. She would have worked with anyone at all; she would have even dragged up Paul the techie from downstairs if she had to. So long as she could avoid Nick. Her situation left a niggling feeling at the pit of her stomach, the nerves and worry wreaked havoc with her head and heart. She hated not talking to Nick but the little monster of doubt was sitting right in her ear whispering words of discouragement and it scared her. The tension was mounting, she'd have to speak to him eventually she was just too frightened to.

"Right so we'll go and brief Matt on the info we got from the victims lover and then I guess we can head home…" He sighed as they got into the elevator, he hoped that he'd get some kind of response from her but there was nothing but silence "Jen? Is that okay with you?"

"Sounds fine to me." She turned away from him as the elevator doors shut, dreading the next two minutes she'd have to spend in the elevator with him. The proximity between their bodies was almost inebriating. Two minutes was two minutes too long for her liking.

"How long is this going to last Jen?"

She turned to look at him, the hope all but drained out of her; she was too angry with him and too angry with herself to talk to him now. The past week had been hell for her; the distance between them had been entirely her decision but that certainly had not made it any easier. But she had to do it, for both their sakes. She wasn't sure how much more of the pain she could take but it was a sacrifice she felt compelled to make.

"Can we talk about this?"

"We got the statement we needed, what more is there to talk about?"

"Jen…" He took hold of her hand and tried to bridge the gap between the two of them but at the slightest feeling of spine tingling contact Jen drew her hand away. She was quite aware of the power Nick had over her and she was determined not to succumb

"Not now Nick." She looked at her watch and breathed a sigh of relief, any second now the elevator doors would open and she'd be free to go about her business. Jen took in a deep breath, preparing to step out of the elevator as quickly as possible, she was almost certain that he'd try and stop her so they could talk. She couldn't handle it, it'd been a week since they'd spoken and she couldn't talk to him now, it still hurt.

Without warning a horrible whirring electrical sound filled the elevator before it came to a sudden stop, throwing both of them forward. Lucky for Jen Nick threw his arms out in front of her and caught her before there was any chance that she might fall forward and hurt herself. She muttered something that resembled a thankyou as she stood up straight and brushed herself off.

"Are you okay? Jen?"

"I'm fine…" She muttered as she fumbled around in her jacket pocket, smiling with relief as she pulled out her mobile and started dialling

"What are you doing?" He couldn't help but chuckle, he'd never seen her call someone with such frustration and urgency

"Calling Matt…no one knows we're in here Nick. I'm not being stuck in here all night…bugger! He's not answering. Oh this is great…just great! I'm stuck in a bloody elevator. Great!"

"Don't panic Jen…the security camera is there, they'll see us. Just calm down, it'll be fine."

She wished it was that easy. She wished it were as simple as just 'calming down'. Nothing was ever that simple, not anymore. Things would never be the same. Jen was stuck in a small confined space with the one person she had been deliberately avoiding for the past week, things couldn't have been worse.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2.**

_Their bodies drenched in a thin coat of sweat as Nick held her close in his arms, their chests heaving unevenly as their breathing returned to a normal pace. Jen ran her hands over Nick's muscles, feeling them flex beneath her palms. Every fibre of their bodies still tingled with electricity after a moment of pure intense ecstasy. Nick smiled against her skin as he nuzzled his head in the nook between her neck and shoulder, inhaling her mesmerizing scent as he took in a deep breath. He sighed with contentment as he felt her body stop trembling and her breathing evened out. Carefully as though she were the most precious object in the world, he rolled onto his back still cradling her against his body. They remained in a blissful silence, completely captivated in the presence of the other. Nick ran his fingers affectionately through her hair as the other traced soft circles on her back. This, he thought, was sure to be perfection._

Nick looked at his watch for what seemed like the thousandth time and he was certain that at least half an hour had passed since he last checked. He groaned when he discovered it had been a mere five minutes. His eyes drifted over to Jen who had slumped against the wall of the elevator and slid down along it until she came to rest on the floor. She had given up trying to call Matt after he failed to pick up his phone for the fifth time. They'd been stuck in the elevator for half an hour and it didn't look like anyone was coming to save them any time soon. They hadn't spoken since Nick had told her to calm down. He'd tried to get through to her but there was no hope. Jen had all but shut him out of her life. Nick felt more heartache now than he did when Jen turned had first turned him away. This time things were different.

He felt so stupid this time around. He wondered how he could have been so naïve to think that their lives were perfect. He felt like a prized idiot for thinking that his relationship with Jen could never be damaged. He loved Jen more than he had ever loved anyone in his entire life. He'd had relationships before her; there'd been other girlfriends, other lovers but no woman had ever had the power over him that Jen had. He had never wanted marriage and children before with anyone else but with Jen he wanted all that and more. He knew she wasn't ready for that yet but in the months since their reunion he'd become more hopeful that she'd want a family with him in the near future. He couldn't imagine his life with anyone else but her and not knowing what was going on in her head was near on torture.

'Oh thank god…" Jen breathed a sigh of relief when her phone went off, a message from Matt flashing upon its screen "It's Matt. He says….oh you're kidding?! Well isn't that nice."

"What does he say?"

"He says. Hi Jen, sorry I missed your calls. Called it an early night, just brief me on the statement tomorrow morning. Oh…and take the stairs, I think there's something wrong with the lift."

Nick couldn't help but laugh at the irony Matt had unknowingly embedded in his message. _'take the stairs, I think there's something wrong with the lift. _He knew he probably shouldn't but he found it quite funny that they got his message after they'd been stuck in the lift.

"There is nothing funny about this Nick! Matt has gone home, now there is no one here which means we are stuck in here until someone decides to come and fix it. And how long is that going to take?"

"Just be patient Jen, If Matt has realised that the elevator is broken then he'll have told someone. We'll be out of here in no time."

"Nick it's been nearly forty minutes. No one is coming to fix this damn elevator; no one knows we're here!" In her state of over reacting Jen had failed to notice that the Emergency phone button that they took for granted was flashing red. It wasn't until she took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself that she saw it "The emergency phone!"

"Slow down Jen. It's not going anywhere."

"We're getting out of here Nick." For the first time in a week he saw her smile but it hurt him to realise it was because she wouldn't be stuck with him "Come on…come on…" Jen's hopes were shattered when a flat tone rang throughout the elevator "You've got to be kidding! We're stuck…we're actually stuck." She groaned with annoyance and sat back down on the floor

"Don't panic Jen…" He sat down next to her, their thighs resting comfortably against each other's as he held her hand tightly "We'll be fine. Call Matt again if you're worried."

"He won't answer…" She mumbled putting her phone to one side "I'll try later." She hadn't even realised that despite her best efforts to push Nick away that her hand squeezed his just as tight, savouring the warmth and safety that came from his hold.

"Jen…"He leaned in closer to her, his voice turned to a near whisper

Jen looked down at their hands, moulded together so perfectly. She smiled without thinking before realising the instinctive reaction she had was far from the one she wanted. She did her best to pull her hand free but Nick's grip was stronger than she had anticipated. Their fingers were interlocked and Nick was determined not to let her go.

"Stop." Finally managing to pull her hand away, crossing her arms across her chest in an act of defiance. The last thing she needed was to be stuck with Nick in the elevator; her heart ached just looking at him. She had enough worries plaguing her mind without Nick interrogating her being one of them. He hadn't started yet but she knew it was only a matter of time "Just stop, okay?"

"We need to talk Jen."

"No. No we don't need to talk. There is nothing to talk about." She wasn't quite sure how long she could keep the façade up for. Eventually she would have to talk to Nick, it was completely unavoidable but she was so terrified that she was determined to keep quiet for as long as she could. Jen was so worried of what he would say should she tell him what was on her mind. She was terrified at the possibility of Nick being disappointed in her; it was one thing she couldn't bear the thought of. They should've been dealing with the situation together but she couldn't even look at him. She was disappointed in herself.

"It's been a week. I…" It took a lot for Nick to strip back the tough exterior he had spent a lifetime building up but he needed to let Jen know how he felt, he didn't want to lose her and that was what he feared most "I miss you."

_He noticed all throughout dinner that something wasn't quite right. Normally they sat opposite each other at his dining room table; giving loving and passionate looks as Nick's foot caressed Jen's shin. But tonight something was different; Jen had gone straight for the kitchen bench, eating her dinner hesitantly like something was annoying her. She wasn't really there, her body was in the moment but Jen's mind was somewhere else entirely. She ate in silence and when she was finished she put the dishes in the sink and stood with her back to him, resting her hands with weariness on the bench._

"_Jen are you okay?"_

"_I'm fine…" She lied, her back still facing him "Actually no! No I'm not okay!" She turned to face him, her face wrought with an awful mix of worry, anger and a tinge of despair _

"_Then what's wrong?" He smiled, edging closer and resting a comforting hand gently across her cheek _

"_Not everything has to be so happy all the time Nick. Do you have any idea at all?"_

"_Talk to me…we'll sort it out."_

"_Sort it out?! God Nick it's not that bloody simple! Nothing is simple. You know if you just took one step back and looked at the bigger picture you'd see its one huge mess!"_

"_Jen…what's going on?" He was beginning to worry; he'd never seen her like this, ever_

"_It's everything. It's me, it's you, it's the whole damn picture!_

"_Hey come here…" He tried in vain almost, to pull her into an embrace but she pushed him away and gathered her things in haste "Don't be ridiculous Jen! Come here."_

"_No! I can't do this anymore Nick…" The tears welled up in the corners of her eyes, a few lone droplets snuck past her defences and rolled down her cheeks as she looked at him with hopelessness before walking out the front door._

The time ticked over to an hour and the silence was becoming frightening. Jen had always been completely comfortable sitting in silence with Nick. She couldn't recall the amount of times they lay blissfully in the quiet night just holding each other. But this silence was more than horrible; it was completely agonising and heart wrenching. It twisted and pulled at her heart strings, it was unbearable.

"Please Jen…let's talk." He watched on, feeling a sharp pain through his chest as he watched her cry. He couldn't take any more of this, it was insufferable.

_It hurts my heart_

_To see you cry_

_I know it's dark_

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_I Won't Let Go- by_ _Rascall Flats _


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3.**

The two of them sat in a most uncomfortable silence for at least ten minutes by which stage they had nearly been stuck in the elevator for near on an hour. Every time Jen edged a little bit away from Nick he'd move with her until she realised there was no point and she reluctantly gave up, their sides now flush up against each other. Every time Nick opened his mouth Jen would quickly look away.

Fatigue was slowly starting to set in but she was determined to stay awake, she knew the moment she fell asleep she'd slip back into old habits and she'd end up in Nick's arms. Despite the fact that she missed the warmth and safety of his hold she was adamant that she wouldn't lose control of the situation. She already felt hopeless enough as it was; losing her self-control was not something she wanted.

"Why can't we talk Jen?" Nick felt the guilt piling up against his chest; the more he dwelled on it the more he had himself convinced that the entire thing was somehow his fault "Have I done something?"

"No…you haven't done anything." She admitted meekly although she had laid almost the entirety of the blame on him "There's nothing wrong."

"I didn't ask you that…but there is something wrong Jen, I know it. I've known the whole time that something isn't right. It's been a week; I don't know how much more I can take of this."

"Nick I don't want to talk about it."

"Sorry but you've got to. You can't walk out like you did and not expect me to demand an explanation. Just talk to me…" He looked at her with hope in his eyes but she refused to look at him, and that's when it hit. Suddenly it dawned on him that the love of his life just might not love him back anymore "Whatever it is Jen you can tell me."

"It's a long story. I don't want to talk…"

"Well…" He smiled affectionately as he took her hand in a soft grasp hoping that this time she wouldn't let go and much to his surprise she didn't "We're going to be here for a while. I'm all yours Jen…"

_She snuggled close against his chest, still maintaining an inch of distance out of fear that she'd hurt him. The bruises on his face had all but faded but the ones on his chest and abdomen were far from gone. Jen could hear Nick wince in pain slightly if they shifted a certain way but he wouldn't let go of her. She couldn't help but admire that about him; the way he loved her completely, wholly, unconditionally- she was beginning to realise just how much she meant to Nick. _

"_You're not comfortable." She sighed as she sat up next to him "And don't try and tell me you are. I heard you, you're still in pain."_

"_I can't hide anything from you can I?" He chuckled, tracing her cheek with his thumb _

"_I told you this afternoon 'Detective Buchanan', I'm a good detective."_

"_And uhh…what would this good Detective recommend for the pain?"_

"_I'm a cop Nick not a doctor…" She was completely oblivious to the boyish grin on his face and the glint of desire in his eye _

"_I know but what would you recommend for the pain Jennifer?" It had been so long since he used her full name like that and she found nothing more irresistible "Well?"_

"_Ohhh…" Her eyes caught his and she finally understood what he wanted "I'd recommend bed rest for a start. Yes, I think you should go to bed…right now."_

_She giggled as he grabbed her hand and all but dragged her towards his bedroom, discarding his shirt and then hers along the way. When he took her and lay her down on the bed so gently foregoing his own comfort to make sure she was okay Jen realised just how devoted he was and always had been to her. She felt a fool to have pushed him away and made a vow to herself at that precise moment that whatever was thrown their way she would never push Nick away again._

"I…I…can't do it Nick…I can't talk." She felt her bottom lip tremble and her defences crumble away to rubble as she sat before him at what was perhaps her most vulnerable

"Sshh…" He hushed as he pulled her into his arms, running his fingers through her hair "it's okay. You can, I'm here, I'm listening."

"No!" She pushed away in protest, she wiped her tears away with her jacket sleeve and picked up her phone "I'm calling Matt again."

Nick was at his wits end with Jen. There was only so much more of her wavering emotions that he was willing to take. He loved her and loved everything about her but he was finding her constantly changing mind perplexing. One minute she was holding him close for comfort and the next she was pushing him away in an act of defiance. It made his head spin and he couldn't hold a single thought as he tried to process what was going on. He looked next to him and couldn't help but admire every feature he saw before him. Her striking blue eyes full of a deep sincerity with so many stories hidden behind them, stories only he knew the ending to. Her blonde hair that swept across her face just slightly and the way her brow crinkled as she tried to concentrate on the phone. It was all mesmerising to him; every intricate little detail was perfection in Nick's mind.

"Oh thank god you picked up Matt. No…we're not back in the office yet. No…Matt just listen! We're stuck…yes stuck. No not in traffic…in the elevator. Yes we did get your message. I know you told us not to use the elevator…we were already in it Matt! It broke with us in it. I tried the emergency phone it's not working, I think everything's out… Well how do I know if the security camera is broken or not? Look can you just get someone to come and get us out please? Good… How long? You don't know?!…just be as quick as you can, we've already been in here an hour. Okay…bye Mattie." She hung up the phone and rested her head in her hands a groan of frustration escaping her lips.

"What did he say?"

"He's on his way back to Homicide…we're getting out of here Nick." It pained him to see that once again her smile was because they would soon be parted; maybe she really had fallen out of love with him

"I'm just going to start talking and you start whenever you want because we're not getting anywhere with this Jen…"

"Nick I…"

"Was it something I did? Because nothing was wrong and all of a sudden you turned around and stormed out. What happened to you?"

"You're not going to give up are you?" Jen turned to him, tears forming in her eyes yet again as she looked at him with yearning. She was so close to pouring her heart out right there, she wanted to tell him everything that was pressing against her chest. The feeling was almost choking her and she wasn't sure she could take anymore "But I can't…"

"You don't want to talk? Okay fine. I can do that. We won't talk; nothing, not a word." Nick had lost all patience. He loved Jen more than anything in the world, she meant everything to him and there's nothing he wouldn't do for her but he'd had enough. If she didn't want to talk he couldn't make her see otherwise. He fought the desire firing through his veins and walked towards the elevator door resting his hands on the cold metal as he let out an exasperating sigh. Maybe things weren't meant to be between him and Jen.

"Nick please…"

"No if you don't want to talk to me Jen we won't talk. Don't do something you don't want to do."

Jen felt the words slipping up from hear heart and through her throat, she had no control, they were coming out and there wasn't a thing she could do about it. She just hoped the damage she'd done wasn't permanent "Nick I'm pregnant."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4.**

_Nick lay on his couch, looking up dazedly at his ceiling as he tried to process what had happened that afternoon. He hadn't meant to have an outburst like that in the interview room but he was just so angry. He had never felt so angry in his life; he felt it bubbling and boiling in him, its heat burning against his chest as though it would protrude straight through and spill out over everything around him. There was part of Nick that had expected Jen's decision to end things but he still held a small slither of hope that she'd come back from her five days off and he'd be able to hold her in his arms and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. But his happy bubble was burst instantly when he realised the decision she'd made. His heart ached with the most excruciating pain he'd ever felt in his life. He loved her, he adored her and all he wanted was her. Nick wanted nothing more than to marry Jen and have children with her, even if he had to wait years it was one of his deepest desires. To think that Jen didn't want a bar of that was unbearable._

It felt like time had all but stopped dead in its tracks, as if everything was moving in slow motion. Nick tried to run through Jen's words in his mind but it was almost too much for him to comprehend. He lined up the events of the past few months and tried to make sense of it all. The moment that Jen had told him she wasn't ready for children, their passionate reunion, the months of bliss that followed and then the night where everything was completely flipped on its head. Now this; he didn't know what to feel, he was so confused.

Jen on the other hand was so worried and terrified of his response that she almost burst into tears. She was so overwhelmed with emotions; the guilt of not telling him sooner, the fear of waiting for his response and this strange weepy feeling that the baby hormones seemed to have induced. She had been one ball of emotion for weeks. One minute she was on top of the world and the next she'd cry at the drop of the hat. She had no clue what was wrong with her until she took the pregnancy test on a whim a week ago. Jen wanted to be happy, she wanted nothing more than to be completely and utterly I love with the idea and perhaps deep down she was but the fear that she wouldn't be a good enough mother was completely overpowering.

"Nick…say something, please. Anything... just say something."

He didn't want to turn around, not at first. At first he was a bit hurt, unhappy with the fact that she hadn't told him that she was carrying his child. But he knew she needed to see his face, even if he wasn't sure what to say to her. He stood up and took in a deep breath before turning around to look at her. The sight before him was enough to break his heart. She looked up at him her lip quivering and the water welling up in her eyes as she waited for his response. He'd never seen her so worried in his life.

"How far are you?" He was determined to understand the situation first, he needed to know what was going on.

"Four weeks maybe…I don't know. Maybe more?"

"You don't know?"

"I haven't seen the doctor yet. I only did the test last week, that afternoon before I left after dinner. I ducked into the chemist in the shopping centre on the way over. I got scared Nick. After everything…I was just scared. I didn't tell you because I hadn't worked out what I wanted to do yet. I don't know what to do."

"Sorry? You didn't know what to do?" Nick tried to supress his own emotions; he needed to hear what Jen had to say. His heart was aching at the sight of seeing the woman he loved so miserable.

"I'm sorry…" She tried to speak clearly but the tears were already freely falling from her eyes and Nick could only just make out what she was saying "I said I wasn't ready for children and you wanted a family and I didn't know…I was scared Nick. I thought you'd be disappointed. I'm sorry…" She brought her knees up to her chest and laid her forehead in her hands, her quiet sobs slowly filling the elevator. Her apologies still audible as she continued to let the tears flow.

"Oh Jen…" All the anger, the hurt, everything he was feeling went straight out the window the second he saw her huddle into a ball and start crying. He couldn't stand to see her in such a state. She should've been the happiest she'd ever been before not a weeping emotional mess because she was scared he'd be disappointed in her. He could never be disappointed Jennifer Mapplethorpe, he loved her too much "Jen…" He sat beside her and wrapped his arms around her delicate frame; choking back his own tears as he cradled her in his arms, kissing the top of her head and rubbing her back softly "Sshhh…it's okay. It's okay."

_If you can't cope_

_I will dry your eyes_

_I will fight your fight_

_I will hold you tight_

_And I won't let go  
_

"No it's not…I didn't tell you. I kept a secret from you. We promised Nick…we said we'd never do that." Jen let her knees down and moved so she was flush up against his chest, snuggling against him for comfort.

"Don't be sorry. You don't have to…" He lifted her chin up gently so he could look into her eyes and he smiled. He couldn't help it; the feeling of knowing that she was carrying his child was unlike one he had ever felt before. He felt a sense of pride and he felt like suddenly everything in his life was complete and nothing bad could ever happen. But the most wonderful and overpowering feeling was the love and protectiveness he felt over his unborn child. Growing inside the woman he loved and wanted to spend the rest of his life with was something that was his own and he already loved it "We're having a baby Jen." He smiled as he caressed her cheek affectionately

"I don't know if I can do this." She bowed her head low, still afraid to look at him. It wasn't that she didn't want to have the baby, even her fears couldn't destroy the instant motherly instinct that swept over her. It was just that becoming a mother for the first time was a daunting prospect. But Jen already loved her child more than even she knew.

"We can do this Jen."

"What if I'm no good?"

Nick chuckled and leaned in to kiss her tenderly; tucking a stray hair behind her ear "You'll be perfect."

She smiled at him and looped her hands around his neck, interlocking her fingers as she drew him closer to her. The crying had stopped but her cheeks and lips were still damp but the salty taste against her mouth didn't deter her from embracing Nick; their kiss intensifying slowly, it turned from a gentle expression of love to something far deeper and passionate. The idea of starting a family with Nick was growing on Jen by the second. She found herself imagining their life together and what their child would grow up to be like. Her perfect little thought was interrupted when the mundane ringing of her phone sounded from behind her. She reluctantly pulled away from Nick and turned around to pick it up, his arm still around her waist as he planted soft kisses up and down her free arm.

"It's Matt…"

* * *

_I Won't Let Go- by Rascal Flatts_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5.**

Nick was beginning to get a taste of what it would be like dealing with his pregnant lover as she quickly jumped from being loving and affectionate to pacing back and forth in a panic in front of the elevator door. He found it mesmerising and incredibly attractive that whilst one arm was flailing about in panic the other had her hand resting delicately on her abdomen protecting the precious little being that bloomed inside. To Nick, Jen becoming a mother was completely captivating and entrancing. Suddenly he began to notice things about her that he'd never seen before. There was a kind of glow, radiant warmth graced her face and there was nothing she could have done to hide the happiness. Nick was almost brought to tears at the thought that he and Jen would forever be connected by something so wonderful and perfect.

"Sit down Jen." He smiled, patting the space between his legs "Don't get in a panic."

"What if we never get out Nick? What if they can't get us out and we're stuck." She turned to face him and it took all the power and self-control he had not to laugh, she was so deadly serious about it all "I don't want our baby to be born in an elevator"

That was all it took for Nick to lose that hard fought for self-control and he let laughed right out loud at what she'd said, immediately earning him looks of disbelief and annoyance. "I wasn't laughing at…Jen we won't be in here for that long. Two, three months maybe but not that long." He winked at her but he wasn't doing himself any favours. Her brow crinkled in disapproval as she looked at him, her lip pouting slightly "Oh come on…" She sat down with him, her back up against his chest "Matt said that he'd call again soon. The technicians will assess the problem then they'll fix it and we'll be out of here. So let's just sit here and wait."

"How long have we been in here Nick?" She yawned snuggling in closer against him as his arms wrapped themselves around her, his hands coming to rest on her stomach

"It's been nearly three hours." He kissed the top of her head "So…what will we call her?"

"Her…what makes you think it's a girl?"

"It's a girl Jen…call in male instinct."

"Ha!" She chuckled playfully "Nick that doesn't exist."

"Fine, call it good Detective work then, what about that? Can't argue with that Jen."

"Are you sure we can do this Nick?" Jen's uncertainties were cut short as she felt Nick's hand making slow feather light caresses on her abdomen, his other taking hers and holding it tight.

"It won't be easy, never is. But I'm sure we can do this, I know we can Jen." Nick tried to pull all his strength together; it took every ounce of it he had not to do things to Jen that he normally reserved for the bedroom. He couldn't quite put his finger on exactly what it was but right at that moment he found her more irresistible than he ever had before "You know I think she's going to have your eyes and your smile."

"Oh and I suppose this is all down to your '_male instinct'_ is it?" She took one hand and rest it on his thigh, squeezing gently "What else does this instinct tell you?" He didn't need to see her face but she knew exactly what she was thinking. He bent his head down and began to plant tender kisses on the nape of her neck, unable to resist her any longer.

"Nick!" Jen all but gasped as she felt his lips nip lightly at her ear "Nick…" Her voice turned to almost a whisper, a soft moan escaping her lips "The cameras…they're on."

"No one's…here…yet." He felt the control slipping away as she got up and turned to face him. Her hands slipping their way around his neck as she sat down on his lap, their lips crashing together in heated passionate contact "We've got…all the time…"

"Sshhh…" She smiled as her forehead rested against his, their breathing getting heavier and she felt herself almost collapse against him. The power he had over her was something she could not comprehend in the slightest. Nick sent shivers up and down her spine, the thought of him had butterflies flying around in her stomach. She'd never loved someone so much before "There's still time before Matt calls…"

"I love you Jen." He stroked her back gently, revelling in the serenity of the moment as he cradled her close "Ohhh you're kidding…" With once again impeccable timing Jen's phone rang and they both knew exactly who it was "Matt really has no sense of timing does he?" Nick groaned as Jen sat back down beside him, both of them all too aware that they were most likely being watched.

"Mattie hi… can you see us?" Jen looked up at the security camera and waved "You're kidding? What so it's all gone?" A boyish grin appeared instantly on Nick's face at the realisation that no one could see the two of them "How long is it going to take to get us out of here? It's been nearly three hours; it'd be nice to go home. What's he doing there? Look just tell them to hurry up…no, no you don't have to stay on the line." Jen tried her best to maintain her concentration as Nick took her hand and kissed the tips of her fingers, making his way gradually up her arm "We'll be fine. We can…talk about…the case. Okay, alright call me then. Bye."

"So what did Matt say?"

"He's downstairs with Wolfey. The technicians are having a look now but he said that they told him everything's out. We're lucky we still have the light."

"What's Wolfey doing here?" He asked, tilting his head slightly as he tried to figure it out

"Matt said Wolfe wanted him to call once we'd gotten back with the statement. When Matt called and told him what happened he came down here." Jen stood up and began pacing again "I'm tired. I just want to go home."

"Hey…" Nick got up and swept her up in his arms "They're here now. We're okay." He stroked her hair and she felt her fears melt away like ice in summer "I'm here."

"Thankyou…" She whispered, she closed her eyes and revelled in the bliss of it all.

"Did Matt say the cameras were definitely off?"

"The elevator, the emergency line and the cameras all gone. Why?"

Nick had had nothing else on his mind for the past three hours other than what he was planning to do. The week apart from Jen had almost sent him insane. He missed being able to hold her, and kiss her. The lack of intimacy when she'd been so close was unendurable and being so close to her now drove him to the brink of insanity "Ohh nothing…" His hands glided from her upper back down to her hips, he slid them up under the cotton material of her shirt, relishing the feeling of her bare skin beneath his palms.

"Ohh my…" She breathed as she tipped her head back, basking in the feeling of his hands caressing her "Ahhh!" Jen squealed with both surprise and delight as Nick unexpectedly lifted her up of the ground and onto his hips, her legs wrapping around him and drawing him closer without second thought "Nick…" She ran her hands up and down his chest, feeling his muscles flex underneath them "I'm sorry…"

"Stop apologising…" He said hastily in between kisses, his fingers roughly began to undo the buttons on her shirt.

"For everything…I should have told you straight away." She pulled away from his kiss and looked straight into his eyes. His gaze veiled with a deep passion.

He loved her so much. He tried to put it into words; he wanted to tell her just what she meant to him but there were no words for it. Nothing to describe the intense rush of happiness and excitement that he felt simply from laying eyes on her first thing in the morning

"Now where were we…" He smiled as he continued to undo her shirt, kissing her skin as he exposed it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6.**

_Jen's hands trembled as she stared at the plastic stick sitting in her hand. She closed her eyes for a moment breathing in deeply; she thought that perhaps she was dreaming. The two pink lines weren't a complete shock but part of her still wasn't expecting to see them. The white washed walls of the shopping centre bathroom around her began to spin and she put her left hand out in front to steady herself. Suddenly everything that had happened over the past four weeks or so had an explanation. The constant queasiness, the odd cravings and wavering emotions all made sense. She almost felt guilty about not feeling the sudden rush of excitement that she thought she would upon finding out that she was pregnant. Instantly she felt worried and frightened at the prospect that she would have to tell Nick. She'd told him she wasn't ready for children and she knew how much having a family meant to him. Jen told herself that this was sure to tear them apart._

_She threw the pregnancy test into her handbag and ran out of the bathroom as fast as her shaking legs would take her._

They both fought hard not to give into the urges rising within them. Since they had reunited after Nick's near brush with death there was rarely a night that they had spent apart. And although a week was nothing in comparison to the years they were parted, the lack of intimacy between them was driving him insane. So it was understandable that he had to fight to keep his hands off her. He didn't want it to happen in an elevator; he loved Jen too much to make love to her there, she deserved so much more than that. It was with that thought that he unwillingly pushed away from her; their shirts discarded on the floor, her cheeks touched with a tinge of red as she nestled her head against his shoulder. His fingers tousling through her hair as he let her down, arms still wrapped around each other.

"Not now…" He let go of her and admired her glowing figure "Here…" He smiled as picked up her shirt and helped her into it "Sorry Jen."

"What for?" She looked up at him as he put his own shirt back on, looking down coyly like he'd done something wrong "Nick…" She moved towards him and took charge, doing up the buttons on his shirt

"It's an elevator Jen…" He chuckled "Not in an elevator." He tucked the stray hairs behind her ears and grinned "Sorry." He took her in his arms and held her close

"No. It's okay." She looked up at him and kissed him softly, letting her lips linger for just that second longer "Thank you."

…**..**

Matt tapped his fingers on the table rhythmically as he watched Paul trying to work out what was going on with the security cameras. The elevator technicians had established that the fault with the elevator was with the controls and that the security cameras failing at the same time was by sheer coincidence. He couldn't help but check both the clock on the wall and his watch incessantly even pausing on occasion to ask Paul what the time was. He knew that Nick and Jen had been stuck in the elevator for over three hours at least, he just wanted to get them out, he felt it was somehow his responsibility to see them out safe and sound.

"Paul can you hurry up mate?" The frustration in his voice rose to the top, Paul was a perfectionist which was a completely commendable quality and that's exactly what Matt wanted. It just meant that Paul took his time with what he was doing and time wasn't a luxury they could afford.

"I'm going as quick as I can. The cameras in the elevator were due to be rewired…it looks like the jolt when the elevator stopped might have knocked them around a bit."

"So is there anything you can do from here to fix them?"

"This isn't my job you know…" Paul tested the authority but quickly retreated when he saw the disapproving look on Matt's face "But… I can try. Likelihood is though that we'll have to get the electrician to do the rewiring earlier. How is having the cameras on going to help anyway? You'll only be able to see them. It's the elevator techs that have the big job. I hope Jen is okay…"

"Just do your job Paul." Matt rolled his eyes and tried to supress the chuckle, he found it hard to believe that Paul still held a flame for Jen after all these years. Watching him chase her to no avail made them all laugh. It had always provided them with endless amounts of entertainment "I'm going to call them again."

…

Jen had reassumed the position between Nick's legs, sighing in bliss as he kissed her neck. She wondered how she'd ever been so fortunate to find a man like him. Gentlemen were a seldom few in this world, she had on occasion referred to them as an endangered species. The statement may have made Nick smirk and jokingly gloat that he was a rare one of a kind man, worthy of a bronze statue, but she didn't mind seeing this larrikin element to him. The playful Nick was a side only she got to see and she felt privileged that a man who was always quite strong and serious at work would allow her to see this part of him.

"What time is it Nick?" She yawned allowing her eyelids to flutter shut, sleeping in an elevator was the last thing she wanted to do but she felt content and safe in Nick's arms

"It's nearly ten. We stepped in here around six-ish so it's almost been four hours." He rubbed her abdomen gently, hoping to feel the tiniest inclination that his child was in there "Jen…there's no bump."

"What?" She murmured "Nick I'm really tired."

"There's no bump. No baby bump…" He was beginning to sound quite worried "Jen is…"

"I _am_ pregnant Nick. But I think I'm only around four weeks…you probably won't notice it for a little while yet. But it is there…our baby."

"Jen…when you said you weren't ready to have children…"

"I wasn't…even now I don't know if I am. I don't think you're ever really ready for it Nick. Even if you're planning for it nothing can prepare you for that one moment when you find out you're having a baby. Or when it's born…but now that I know. I don't know it's like you don't really care about all that anymore. I feel like I can tackle anything, I think _we_ can tackle anything."

"You're beautiful you know…" He smiled "I love you."

"I love you too Nick…" She said as she closed her eyes again, this baby despite its young age was certainly taking the energy out of her "Oh really?! Third time lucky!" She groaned reaching for her phone again "I think Matt needs to take lessons in phone call etiquette."

"Lesson number one: don't interrupt moments between friends…"He chuckled as he kissed her temple

"Nick!" She giggled, leaning forward so he had no opportunity to make any cheeky advance whilst she was talking to Matt "Matt what's up? Yeah we're fine…" Jen yawned as she turned onto her side and burrowed against Nick's chest "Just tired. I really would just like to get out of here and go to bed." Nick smiled, noticing that Jen had not mentioned going home; he knew where she wanted to go "How much longer is it going to take? Paul?! Well what about the elevator? Please call him before you call us Matt, so you can tell us what's going on!... No sorry, I shouldn't have snapped, being couped up in here is starting to get to us I think. Thanks…okay speak soon."

"We're not getting out of here any time soon are we?"

"Matt said he's with Paul trying to get the security cameras working and Wolfe is with the elevator technicians only he hasn't even called Wolfey yet so he's got no idea when we're getting out of here."

"Paul…he always seems to be around doesn't he? I think he might even have a bit of a crush on you…" Nick grinned

"Nick! If I didn't know you better I'd say you were jealous…" She jokingly hit him on the leg, everyone knew about Paul's crush on Jen, it had become a bit of a joke around the office "I hope we get out of here soon, I'm too tired to put up with being here any longer."

"Sleep then…" He hushed as he kissed the top of her head. Despite the small amount of panic that still ran through her at the thought of being couped up in an elevator for so long Jen allowed her eyes to shut. Nick's heart skipped a beat as he felt Jen relax in his arms. His back was beginning to ache from leaning against the hard walls of the elevator but his own pain seemed completely insignificant. There was nothing he could do but smile at the thought that the rest of his life would be just as perfect as this, maybe even better.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7.**

Nick was grateful that Matt hadn't called for the past half an hour. Jen was tired, she'd fought the sleep for as long as possible but she had eventually had given in. She always fought sleep when she was worried; when they were undercover sometimes he'd lie there for hours with her in his arms. He'd stroke her hair gently as he whispered in her ear words of comfort. Sometimes it'd take two or three hours but eventually she'd fall asleep.

Jen wouldn't have admitted it to him but this was the first time in a week that she had slept with ease. The nerves combined with the sheer fact that she was without Nick meant that most nights she'd spend them lying in bed staring aimlessly at the ceiling. His pillow clutched close against her chest seemed to be the only thing that bought the tiniest hint of consolation.

"Sshh…" He hushed as she crinkled her brow with a frown, her face eventually coming to rest on a small smile "Oh Jen…" Had Nick not been sitting down it would've been quite possible that his knees would have buckled beneath him. To him she was the epitome of beauty and perfection, he felt so privileged to be the one she allowed to see all sides of her.

In the moment that he had to himself he found his thoughts wondering over all the possibilities that fatherhood would bring. That inexplicable feeling he'd experience the moment he held his little girl in his arms. Despite what Jen had said to him he was practically certain that their baby was a girl, the only thing he'd ever been more certain of was the fact that he loved Jen and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. His thoughts trailed from their baby's birth right through to her childhood and he could imagine as vividly as anything seeing his little girl with blonde locks and a smile that melted his heart, the spitting image of her mother. He imagined there being times when he'd be looking at his daughter and think he was looking at Jen. As Nick smiled at the thought he couldn't help but wonder just what she was dreaming about.

_Lying close to you_

_Feeling your heart beating_

_And I'm wondering what you're dreaming_

_Wondering if it's me you're seeing_

Figuring that getting sleep was better than sitting there doing nothing he closed his eyes and revelled in the serenity of the situation. But once again Matt's timing was incredibly ironic and Jen's phone rang yet again, _why hadn't they turned their phones onto silent_? If Nick didn't know that Matt had no inkling whatsoever that there was a romantic link between Jen and himself he would have said that his Sergeant was somehow calling on purpose to interrupt the tender moments between the pair. He looked down at Jen, so blissfully unaware of everything that was going on around her, completely immersed in slumber and in dreaming, he couldn't wake her. Even if it would arouse suspicion in his senior officer he picked up her phone and answered, he couldn't awake the mother of his child; the sight was all too beautiful.

"Matt how's it going? Oh Jen…no she's sleeping, didn't want to wake her. No I know she usually likes to keep her mind on things but she's really tired. The…" Without even thinking he almost said that baby had worn her out, the concept had already become this natural extension of himself and he didn't think for a moment about having to hide it all. That was until he remembered the fact that he and Jen were stuck in an elevator still trying to gain a grasp on the situation themselves "the time we've spent in here has really worn her out and it's been a long day. We're both tired, Jen just gave in first." He chuckled hoping to cover anything that suggested more had happened than what he'd revealed. Matt's laugh on the other end of the line lifted the weight off his shoulders, his secret was safe.

"I'm alright and she is too, apart from being tired. How long are we going to be in here mate? There is no way it can be taking _this_ long to fix the problem and get us out of here…well then get over there and find out! Sorry…you've been copping a bit of that from the two of us. We've been stuck for a while...it gets frustrating. No you don't have to call; we'll know when you've fixed it. Yeah thanks…" The second he hung up Nick switched the phone to silent, he knew Matt would call again and that was an interruption he could certainly do without.

…**..**

Stanley Wolfe had seen just about everything there was to see in his career as a policeman. From the most brutal murders to someone's absurd drunken antics. He'd thought he'd seen it all, that was until two of his detectives got stuck in an elevator. It seemed like such a simple and common thing to occur, after all electrics fail all the time, but having two of his own detectives stuck in an elevator for such a long period of time was something he'd never seen before. It didn't change his level of composure though.

He could hear in Matt's voice when they spoke that he was worried; even if he wouldn't admit it Matt was struggling to separate his feelings from the situation. Stanley had managed to remain calm. It wasn't hard for him to do so; he was completely confident that Jen and Nick would be out as soon as possible, he was bothered by the fact that it had taken so long but he wasn't worried like Matt was.

"At least Jen's asleep…" Matt sighed, resting his head in his hands "This is taking too long Sarge. Paul said he couldn't do anything with the cameras from where he was. We can't even see if they're okay."

"Mmm but you've spoken to them?"

"Yeah but…"

"And they both said they were okay?"

"Yes Sarge but that doesn't mean…"

"Matt they're fine. We'll get them out of there. Although I think after four hours stuck in there they deserve the day off tomorrow."

"I don't know how they could do it; stuck in there together for so long…I reckon I'd go insane."

…

Jen yawned and stretched her arms out wide as she woke, her eyes still felt heavy and she knew she hadn't slept for long. The warmth of Nick's hold did little to keep her asleep but the feeling of his hands sitting on her stomach brought some comfort. She was still trying to comprehend the love that Nick already felt for their baby. She knew he loved her but this, this love was something unlike she had ever seen. Jen suddenly saw a completely different Nick to the one she fell in love with and it melted her heart. She could tell already that he'd give anything for their child.

"Did I wake you?" Nick asked, noticing her stir beneath his arms

"No it's okay. I was never going to sleep much in here." She yawned as she sat herself up and turned around so she was facing him "You didn't wake me." Jen stroked his face gently

"Matt called before, when you were sleeping." He reached out for her hand and held it tightly, their fingers moulding together like they were made souly for the other "I didn't want to wake you."

"What did he say?"

"He had no idea what was going on. He'd just finished with Paul and was on his way to see Wolfey. I told him he didn't need to call again."

"Nick! Why would you do that?"

"Well one- we're going to feel the elevator move so we're going to know when they've fixed it and two- I'd just quietly had enough of him interrupting us." He smiled as he kissed the back of Jen's hand "Oh…Paul couldn't fix the security cameras."

"He couldn't could he?" Jen raised her eyebrow as she giggled, straddling Nick's hips so she could be closer to him "That's no good…" She sighed playfully; she kissed his lips sensually and let them linger on his for that second longer "No good at all."

Nick smiled against her skin as he planted kisses up and down her neck, his hands holding the small of her back protectively. Once again he found himself fighting the passion that was rising from within. He remembered what he'd told her earlier and did everything he could to hold onto that. _An elevator isn't a romantic place Nick; remember that_, he kept those words going over and over in his head. He had plans for later on and he was determined to carry them out then and not at the bottom of the stuffy confined space they had spent most of the night in.

Suddenly Jen fell back with a thud against the floor, Nick following and landing on top of her, unfortunately for him given his current thought process. The elevator had moved them forward with a jolt and the normal whirring sounds slowly filled their surroundings. Jen breathed a sigh of relief and smiled up at him. Part of Nick wanted nothing more than to stay exactly where they were but he loved her too much and got up, pulling her along with him until they were both standing with their arms wrapped around each other.

"You can go home now." Nick admitted meekly, feeling a strange resemblance in the moment to the time when their second undercover operation ended. He found himself wondering, only for a small second, whether Jen was going to go home and pretend like nothing had happened.

"Yeah, we can."

* * *

I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing- Aerosmith


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8.**

Jen held onto Nick's hand firmly, their fingers interlaced and her head resting gently upon his shoulder. She tried to savour every moment of contact before the elevator doors sprung open and they were thrust back into the real world. To begin with she didn't want to be anywhere near him. The moment that elevator stopped dead in its tracks she thought she was sitting in her worst nightmare. Jen was too overridden by the fear that Nick would somehow be disappointed in her because she'd told him she wasn't ready to have kids, even though deep down she knew he loved her more than anything. But if the last four hours had done anything it had taught her that this was the man she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with. He loved her unconditionally.

Nick could do little to wipe the grin from his face as he squeezed Jen's hand softly. Although he couldn't help but frown at the thought that he would soon have to let go of her and pretend like nothing had happened when all he wanted to do was hold her close and never let go. But he had it all planned out meticulously in his head. They'd exit the elevator, talk with Matt and Wolfe because it was inevitable that they'd want to make sure he and Jen were okay, hand over the statement and then he could go home with Jen and be free to live his perfect life just the way he wanted to.

"You know after all these hours being stuck here I almost wish we were stuck for just a little while longer. This is nice…" She sighed as she leant into him

"I know…"

"I do want to go home though. Maybe we could stop the elevator again and make it go down to the ground level instead of Homicide…"

"It doesn't work like that Jen." He chuckled; pulling her around so she was facing him the gap between them was almost non-existent as he leaned in for a kiss. Their lips had only just begun to touch, the feeling of electricity just starting to build, when in true spirit of their evening they were once again interrupted. The elevator sounded, indicating they had arrived at Homicide and Nick had to suppress the laughter that rose in his throat, he'd never seen Jen move so fast in her life.

…**.**

Matt had all but run upstairs to Homicide, the frantic nature about him was not easily missed. Stanley, who strode behind him, made a mental note to talk to Matt about keeping his emotions in check. He certainly didn't doubt Matt's abilities as Sergeant but he had noticed occasions where his friendship came before his authority. Stanley certainly did admire that Matt was capable of such love and respect towards his subordinates; he was so completely and utterly invested in their wellbeing, their friendships were strong and resilient but there was a time and a place for it all.

"Should we get someone up her Sarge? Like Claudia…maybe she should talk to them."

"I'm sure they're fine Matt. Why don't you sit down and wait for them?"

"If it's all the same to you sir I'll stand."

Stanley nodded, not normally allowing such a defeat from one of his detectives but this wasn't an entirely professional situation and he knew Matt wasn't going to listen to him no matter how official he made his requests. He'd talk to him later about his ability to separate professional and personal but right now he wasn't going to make any headway on the matter. Within seconds the familiar ring of the elevator bell sounded and opened to reveal their exhausted colleagues.

….

Nick wasn't sure why Jen moved so quickly and was so hesitant to look him in the eye as they exited the elevator and headed straight for the welcoming faces of Matt and Stanley. No matter how much she had professed her love for him he couldn't help but wonder if it had only been temporary. Nothing had changed between them. There were no differences between the Nick and Jen who were in the elevator and the Nick and Jen outside of it. But still she proceeded to completely ignore him just as she had earlier that day.

"Are you two alright?" Matt sighed with relief as he shook Nick's hand and wrapped his arms around Jen as he pulled her in for a hug, forgetting for a moment that Stanley was watching him.

"Mattie…" Jen laughed as she pulled away from him, she almost rested a hand protectively on her abdomen before she realised who she was with "We're fine. Tired and a bit sore from being stuck in there for so long but we're fine."

"And what about you Nick?" Nick's attention was not focussed on Stanley, instead his gaze was all but fixed in the distance, his mind trying to understand what was going on with Jen "Nick?"

"Sorry Sarge…yep I'm good. Like Jen said, just a bit tired and sore."

"Well forget about going through that statement now. Give it to me and I'll look through it with the team tomorrow."

"What about us? Jen and I took the statement we should be the ones to present it." Nick asked as he tried to hide his smile. He tried his best to feign annoyance, he wasn't about to let on that his mind was somewhere else entirely.

He had thought Stanley might give them the day off and nothing made him happier. The possibilities were endless; they could do whatever they wanted for an entire day without worrying about work. Although the look on Jen's face told him she'd need a bit more convincing than he did.

"Senior Sergeant Wolfe and I thought you two deserved the day off tomorrow. We'll cope with the low numbers for one shift. Take the time off, relax."

"Matt it was four hours!"

"You will take the day off Jennifer and that's that. Now…" Stanley extended his hand and took the statement out of Jen's hand before she had a chance to react "I'll take that thank you. Matt take them to the hospital and then go home and that's an order." He smiled at them before turning to retreat to his office "Oh and Matt when you're done at the hospital I'd like you back here if it's not too much trouble …a word before you go home too."

Nick noticed Matt step a little closer to Jen once Stanley had closed his office door. Nick wasn't the jealous kind and he knew Jen felt nothing but friendship for Matt but he couldn't help but feel that little niggle in the pit of his stomach. He knew that Matt had once held a flame for Jen, she'd told him, there were no secrets between them.

"Well let's get you two to the hospital then." Matt put one hand on Jen's shoulder and smiled endearingly, he'd been really worried about her "Stuck in there for four hours, I don't know how you did it."

"Oh we found ways of passing the time…"

Jen shot Nick a dirty look as the three of them got back in the lift and headed down towards the car park. He had a habit of playing mischievous like that, baiting her with certain words or looks in front of everyone. Nick of course knew that no one else would pick up on it and that was exactly why he did it. He loved Jen, pure and simple; he just wanted her to know that at every opportunity that he could get his hands on.

"What? Twenty questions?" Matt chuckled

"Yeah something like that." Nick stood next to Jen in the lift and gently grazed his hand against hers which only earned him a sharp pinch from the tip of her fingers "Owww…" He muttered as he looked at her, a satisfied smirk was her reply.

"Nick said you fell asleep Jen."

"Oh well I was pretty exhausted, it's been a big day. I'm feeling okay now though."

"Are you sure? You're looking pale…" Nick's head snapped instantly in Jen's direction as soon as Matt spoke and he noticed the slight white tinge to her complexion. Was she sick? Was something wrong? Maybe something was wrong with the baby. He sprung instantly into protective parent mode and wanted to scoop Jen up in his arms right then and there, whether Matt was with them or not. But he knew if he did that he'd be sleeping alone later. Jen never took too kindly to protection.

"I'm fine Matt. Look I haven't eaten since about midday and it's nearly ten at night now, I'm probably just hungry. That's all. We don't even have to go to the hospital. I'd really just like to go home."

"You both need to be checked out by a doctor. No one gets stuck in an elevator for that long and is just okay. You need to get checked out."

Jen was the first to exit the elevator as she reluctantly walked towards Matt's car with a huff. She just wanted to get home. She was so afraid that Matt would notice something more than talking had gone on between her and Nick, she was surprised that he hadn't noticed already. That's what scared her the most. She thought she was okay with delving back into a relationship with Nick but the moment she stepped out of her perfect little bubble and back into the 'real world' it was like someone had flipped a switch. She felt the doubt starting to worm its way back in and she hated it. As soon as Matt unlocked the car she jumped straight into the back seat, she didn't feel like sitting next to neither Nick nor Matt.

"To the hospital it is." Matt smiled as he turned the keys in the ignition and began to pull out of the car park.

Jen was already dreading the twenty minute drive to the hospital and the plethora of questions she was certain Matt would throw at them. She just closed her eyes and tried to ignore the feelings of nausea and faintness that had all of a sudden swept over her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9.**

Nick and Matt sat down on a cold plastic bench outside the examination room, the white blinds were drawn and they could only just make out the murmuring that came from inside the room. The doctor had offered to have everyone in the room as he made his observations on both Nick and Jen but the two declined politely and insisted on privacy. A white washed, sterile, disinfectant-smelling room was not the place Jen had envisaged her pregnancy becoming public knowledge. Nick's feet tapped almost rhythmically against the floor as he waited for Jen to remerge, he felt this almost overpowering sense of protection for her. He just wanted to take her back home and curl up in bed beside her, holding her close and dreaming the night away. This was certainly not how he pictured the evening turning out.

"Jen!" Nick and Matt almost rose out of their seats and spoke simultaneously as Jen walked out to them

"Doctor said I'm all good. Just a bit dehydrated but other than that I'm okay." She smiled at both of them before directing her gaze ever so slightly more in Nick's direction "Perfectly healthy."

"Good. You can go home now." He clenched his fist so to prevent his hand from caressing her cheek softly "So…back to Homicide then?"

"As long as you too promise to go straight home…"Matt chuckled as the three of them walked outside into the crisp cool evening air "We can go by somewhere and pick up food if you like? Probably don't feel like cooking after all that."

"Thanks Mattie it's okay. I'll pick something up on the way home."

"What about you Nick?"

"I'm good; I've got everything I need already." He let his fingers trail delicately up Jen's forearm, setting the hairs on edge. He couldn't help it; the close proximity between them was driving him insane but he could still tell that there was something she wasn't telling him. The doubts and insecurities were written all over her face.

…**..**

Jen continued to ignore the nausea and faintness that still lingered in her. She wasn't as tired as she had been but still the urge to close her eyes was intense. The detective in her knew she should tell Nick and Matt what was going on, especially given her current set of circumstances but she was far too stubborn for that. Jen was adamant that the feelings would pass and she wouldn't have to acknowledge them any further.

The drive back to Homicide seemed to be over in no time at all and before she knew it they were unbuckling their seatbelts and opening their doors. What seemed like an easy task soon became quite challenging for Jen. Her hands were cold and clammy and her vision started to fail her, still she managed to get out of the car and stand still without making her difficulties noticed by Nick and Matt. All she needed were a few seconds, just long enough for Matt to leave her and Nick alone in the car park. Then Nick would drive her home and she could pretend that this overwhelming feeling of sickness had never even occurred.

But as she got turned to walk towards them she could feel her knees buckling. Her feet almost stuck to the spot and she felt her body become twice as heavy "Nick…" She called out to him but even her voice was weak and he almost didn't hear her.

"Jen!" Nick's voice was wrought with panic as he saw her body begin to give way. Both he and Matt ran for her but it was Nick who caught Jen as she fell limp, his arms managing to take hold of her just before she hit the ground "Jen! It's okay, I've got you. You're okay." Nick's heart was thumping wildly against his chest and he thought that at any second it was going to rip straight out "Jen…"

"I don't feel…so good." Her eyes fluttered between open and shut, her voice weak and groggy

"Jen are you hurt?!" Matt stood beside Nick as he pulled Jen up not noticing the way Nick held her, the way that his arms held her so close and with so much affection

"I'm okay…" She groaned "I'm okay." Jen pulled away from Nick's hold and tried to walk on her own but the moment she had no support with which to stand her knees buckled again. She fell flush against Nick's chest and he propped her up, brushing the stray hairs from her eyes.

"You're not okay. Let me drive you home." Nick led her towards his car, an anxious Matt in tow.

"But my car…"

"Jen the Sarge and I gave you the day off tomorrow you won't need your car. Go home and rest."

"I can't leave my car here. How will I get to work on Thursday?"

"Look if it makes you feel any better Jen, I'll pick you up Thursday morning and take you to work. That way you can drive home yourself. But don't worry about that now. We've got to get you home so you can get some sleep."

Jen nodded meekly at Nick, resting her head against his chest, enjoying the warmth of his hold. She wished it hadn't taken her dizzy spell to put them in a position where she could openly show her affection to Nick and her desire to be in his arms. Matt thanked Nick for driving her home and made him promise to send a message once Jen was tucked up in bed. Nick assured him that he would before letting Matt return upstairs to Homicide.

"Home time…" He smiled as he kissed the top of her head "Have you got your house keys on you?"

"They're in my car."

"Well let's get you in my car first and I'll go and get your keys."

"Leave them there Nick. I don't have to go home…" She looked up at him, even in sickness she still looked beautiful. It tugged at his heartstrings to know that she wanted to go home with him to his house, to sleep in his bed. It put his mind at ease, he almost felt stupid for worrying about her feelings towards him earlier.

…..

"Detective Ryan…I was wondering when you'd be back. Are Nick and Jennifer alright?" Matt felt the tiniest inkling of worry as he stepped into Stanley Wolfe's office. Ever since this elevator debacle had started he'd referred to him only on a personal level, the fact that he had suddenly reverted to calling him Detective Ryan was unusual. But Matt knew then that the reason behind Stanley wanting to have a word with him was a professional matter.

"They both got the all clear but Jen nearly fainted down in the car park. She's tired and dehydrated, she just needs to go home eat something and go to bed. Nick drove her home. He's going to send me a message once he's gotten her there. You know it's a good thing we gave them the day off. There is no way I'd let her work if she's unwell like that. It's not…"

"Ahhh thank you, Sergeant."

"You wanted to see me?"

"How's it going? Being a Homicide Sergeant?"

"I'm sorry I don't think I follow."

"I know it was always going to be hard returning to Sergeant to your old squad…"

It was like a light bulb had been turned on; Matt knew exactly where this was heading and he wasn't too sure he liked it. He'd been through it all before, the scrutiny, the questioning, the doubts- he'd seen and heard it all. From Jarvis it was something he expected. The man was respectful but he was blatantly honest, his opinion was his own and he had no reservations about making it known. Matt respected that and admired him for it but Stanley Wolfe was the last man he expected outright criticism from.

"Look sir…with all due respect I'm doing fine now. There are no problems. Whatever doubts you have…"

"There are no doubts. Look…" Matt felt guilty upon hearing the sincerity in Stanley's voice, he should have known that there would never be any blatant negativity on his part "Believe me it's an admirable quality, caring so much for your colleagues. A lot of Sergeants alienate their members but there is a fine line between caring and caring too much."

"Sarge?"

"Before when Nick and Jennifer were stuck in the elevator. There is nothing wrong with caring and being worried for them but you've got to be careful Matt."

Matt thought about trying to argue against what he'd just heard but he knew it was right. He'd put himself in an incredibly tough position, there was never going to be an easy way to come back to Homicide. He couldn't just slip back into the order of things, it wasn't like he'd just taken leave and returned. He'd gone away a Senior Constable and come back a Sergeant. Stanley was right, things had to change.

"You want me to pull back…"

"Just be careful. Don't lose the relationships you have with your crew already, you've got something most Sergeants envy. They don't just respect you Matt, there's love and admiration there. Just remember you're their Sergeant first and foremost."

…..

Despite Jen's instance that she could walk to his front door by herself he swept her up in his arms and carried her to the door. He'd expected her to put up some kind of fight as she often did; Jen was an incredibly independent and stubborn woman who generally put forward an objection to being protected. So for Nick it was a surprise when she willingly let him carry her, her arms looping around his neck, giving a blissful sigh as she nestled her head against his shoulder. Jen looked up at him with pure adoration and planted a gentle kiss on his lips before they went inside.

"You stay here." He sat her down on the couch and walked backwards towards the kitchen, still keeping a close eye on her "I'm going to make us some dinner."

"Nick I'm not hungry." She took a cushion and propped it up under her elbow, inhaling his familiar scent that seemed to linger on the Egyptian cotton of the cover "I'm _not_ hungry." Annoyance rose in her voice as he continued to ignore her, instead too absorbed in cutting up onions and putting them in a fryer pan "What are you doing?"

"You have to eat."

"No I'm not hungry."

"Jen you just about fainted, you haven't eaten since midday and you're carrying _our_ child. You have to eat…"

"Even if I'm not hungry?" She groaned but the grin on his face melted her heart, she couldn't say no to that "Okay I'll eat, but only because you're cooking. Otherwise I wouldn't."

"Good…oh and I'm taking you back to the doctors tomorrow too."

"Nick! I went today I don't need to go again. The doctor said I'm fine and the baby is completely healthy."

"Well I'm taking you back. You practically fainted; I want to make sure the baby is okay."

Jen had always loved Nick, more than anything or anyone she had ever loved before, but the man she saw before her brought on a whole new level of attraction. And maybe it was just the baby hormones sending a million and one messages to her brain but there was something about him right then and there that made him seem more irresistible than ever "Thank you."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10.**

Jen appreciated the effort that Nick had gone to but after getting through a quarter of the second bowl of pasta he placed in front of her she couldn't stomach any more. She took one last mouthful and washed it down with the big glass of water Nick had also given her. He looked at her and smiled, but she quickly averted his gaze. This moment of sweet domesticity between them had forced her to think about the entire situation and that niggling ball of doubt was back at the forefront. She couldn't help it; no matter what Jen tried to do she couldn't help being scared by what lay ahead for them. She had put almost every second of her life into her job at Homicide and despite the fact the thought of being pregnant to Nick giving her butterflies the prospect of everything around her changing was daunting.

"Nick what are we going to do?"

"Well…" He chuckled as he took her hand in his and made butterfly kisses up her arm slowly

"No." She frowned and pulled her arm away from him "What are we going to _do_ Nick?"

"I knew it…" He sighed "I knew you were still having doubts."

"I'm not having doubts…" She looked up at him but he bowed his head, it was of some small comfort to see he was just as scared as she was

"You were fine in the elevator and as soon as we got out we were back to where we started."

"Nick I wasn't about to leap into your arms in front of Matt and Wolfey. What would that have looked like? I'd only just told you I was pregnant. I wasn't about to jump up and down telling them. I still have to get my head around it. Getting pregnant wasn't something I planned on doing."

"Do you want this…?" Nick hated himself for asking but it was a burning question. He wanted to have a life and children with Jen more than he ever wanted anything before and it tore his heart in two to think he wouldn't be able to do that with her.

"Do you?" Jen tried to hold back the tears, but his defences were only just holding up. She looked up at him and saw his head still bowed low. She bit her bottom lip; this was exactly what she was afraid of "I should go." She got up quickly from the couch and headed for the front door. Why was this so hard? After the passionate exchange in the elevator she thought things were okay. She was scared about the road ahead but she felt okay, she was happy and she finally allowed herself to enjoy the feeling of being pregnant to the man she was in love with. Despite all her doubts she knew Nick wanted a family with her, she couldn't understand why things had changed so suddenly.

Nick felt the couch rise slightly as she got up and instantly he felt a sense of emptiness in the room. He knew straight away he'd asked the wrong questions. Jen's fear was obvious and he'd gone and started a fire around it. Her footsteps echoed down the hallway and towards the front door "Jen, wait!" Nick got up and turned to face her, her back was to him but he could see her shoulders shaking slightly, her sobbing quietly audible.

_She, who always seems so happy in a crowd _

_Whose eyes can be so private and so proud _

_No one's allowed to see them when they cry_

Jen had hoped he would follow her and she felt the presence of his body behind her, his warm breath tickling against her ear. His right arm snaked around her waist and pulled her closer to him, his hand on top of hers rested against her stomach. Jen felt a spark of electricity run through her body as Nicks other hand caressed her left arm, his lips planting soft kisses on her neck. She wondered how she had ever done without him and how one man could have such a profound power over her. Even in the middle of an argument, in amongst all that doubt he knew exactly how to calm her. He didn't even have to speak for her to be reassured and know that his support was something she would have for the rest of her life.

"I'm sorry…" She sniffed as she turned around to face him "I want this, I really do."

"I know…me too." He leaned down to kiss her forehead "Don't go." His lips now only millimetres from hers, the anticipation of what they both knew was about to happen between them so tense that Jen thought her knees would buckle underneath her again. For a moment they stood quietly, his arms around her waist and hers looped around his neck. Neither said anything, they just stood in complete silence. Jen shuddered as Nick's hands ran up and under her shirt, the feeling of his hands against her back gave her goose bumps and she wasn't sure how much more she could take of this. "Ohh Jen…" Unable to hold back for any longer he brought her face to his and pressed his lips to hers with a searing passion.

The feelings Nick had fought so hard to supress when they were in the elevator were no longer inhibited by his chivalrous nature and he found it incredibly hard to hold back. The heat that was growing between them felt so heady that he could feel his shirt beginning to stick to the beads of sweat that already started to appear. He picked her up and sat her on his hips, pushing her against the wall with a gentle thud, a small gasp escaping her lips at weight of his body against hers.

"Are you okay?" He breathed, their foreheads resting against each other's, momentarily in the power of the moment he'd forgotten about Jen's delicate condition "Did I hurt…"

"No…" She chuckled as she ran her fingers through his slightly damp hair "No you didn't."

"Oh good…because I thought that…" Before he had a chance to finish his sentence she pulled his head closer to hers, depraved of his contact for a few seconds too long. Hastily she undid his tie and flung it out of the way, her fingers moving to undo the buttons on his shirt and remove the unfortunate barrier of clothes that stood between them. She kissed his chest as she exposed it, a soft moan escaping her lips as his hands continued to work up and down her back.

He lifted her off the wall and Jen couldn't help but let out a girlish giggle, she'd never seen Nick move from one place to another with such urgency before. By the time he laid her down on the bed there was nothing between them, their hands roaming about each other seeking to find complete closeness. Their kisses became more fervent and frequent as they sought that feeling of reckless abandon, that moment of pure rapture they knew was waiting for them. Nick stopped momentarily to take in the moment; he looked deep into her eyes and smiled, she looked so beautiful, _the epitome of beauty_ he thought. He kissed her again, this time slower and more sensual. The feelings he needed to express may have been raging inside him but he wanted to take his time. He loved Jen.

Jen let her eyes close briefly as she revelled in the feelings that were arising from within her as she moved slowly yet passionately with Nick, both seeking desperately for that moment of ecstasy. She loved how incredibly gentle he was, pausing on the rare occasion to make sure he wasn't hurting her.

Eventually his head fell down to her shoulder and they held each other close, their bodies beginning to relax and cool down. He rolled over onto his back and Jen lay atop his chest, her head nestled in the crook of his neck. Their breathing slowly returned to its normal pace, both thankful they didn't have to rush off to work in the early hours of the morning. They could stay just as they were at that moment, they could stay like that all day.

_I'll take her laughter and her tears _

_And make them all my souvenirs _

_For where she goes I've got to be _

_The meaning of my life is she_

* * *

_She- Elvis Costello_


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11.**

The rising sunlight crept through the gaps in the curtains, flooding the room with a warm glow. The sheets pulled up close from when the cool night breeze had hit their sweat drenched bodies, sending shivers across their skin. Jen lay with her back to Nick, snuggling into him with small grin on her face as she slept. He had been awake for just on an hour but he couldn't get back to sleep. The blissful image of the night before embedded in his mind. They'd made love before, countless times and each time he had found himself in awe of the experience. But there was something about their heated exchanges just hours ago that left him speechless. There was something new, something exciting and something profound about it that he'd never felt before. It had sent feelings coursing through his body that he was yet to experience and he felt almost overwhelmed to be holding the woman he loved so close.

One arm propped his head up whilst the other was wrapped around her waist holding her to him. He moved his hand with hers so they were resting on her belly; he felt tears welling in his eyes at the thought of becoming a father. He couldn't wait to meet his child.

_She's got a baby inside_

_And holds her belly tight, all through the night_

_Just so she knows_

_She's sleeping so_

_Safely to keep her growing_

She looked so beautiful when she slept, perhaps even more so than when she was awake. When she was sleeping he could see all her defences were down, there were rare occasions when anyone saw her like that but he was one of the lucky few. There was no Detective Mapplethorpe, no Miss Mapplethorpe, she was just Jen. _His_ Jen. Unable to restrain himself any longer he planted a single kiss on the nape of her neck.

"Good morning…" She yawned as she turned around and shuffled in close to him, he moved with her and now lay on his back with her snuggled in close against his chest

"I didn't mean to wake you."

"No it's okay." She smiled; her eyes still closed "What time is it?"

"It's just after eight thirty…" He felt her shiver slightly and pulled up the blankets so now all that wasn't covered was her head

"And you're not up?" She chuckled; Nick was always an early riser. Even when they didn't have to get up the next day he was up at seven am at the latest. Some days he'd go for a run and other's he'd continue the painting he was yet to finish. In all the time she'd known him she'd never seen him sleep in, except for a few occasions after a long night.

"We could stay here all day…unless you've got any objections to that?" He stroked her hair gently, his fingers occasionally straying to trail up and down her back.

"No. No objections at all."

"Good…" Nick kissed the top of her head "We're still going to the doctors later though."

"Nick! What happened to staying here all day?"

"I just want to make sure you and the baby are okay. Please Jen."

It sent an incredibly warm feeling through her heart to realise that he already loved their child so much. She could see it now, all the Christmases and birthdays and family outings they would have. The mornings when they'd be woken up by a bouncing bundle of energy jumping up and down on the bed begging Nick to get up and play. The trips to the park, family portraits, it all sounded too good to be true. But it was happening and she felt the need to pinch herself just to make sure.

"I love you." She leant up and kissed him on the lips "You're really excited about this aren't you?"

"The baby?" Jen nodded at him "I am Jen. I know we hadn't planned on this but…I don't know, it feels right. It feels like it was all meant to happen."

"I know."

"She'll be beautiful Jen."

"Nick we've been through this, it's a fifty-fifty chance it's a girl which means it could also be a boy. Didn't you take biology at school?"

"I know it's a girl Jen. Trust me…" Nick knew he and Jen were going to have a daughter, the only thing he'd been surer of in his life was the fact that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with the woman in his arms right then "What would we call her?"

"Well if it's a boy… I think I like Ethan, or Toby."

"But it's not a boy so don't worry about those names. What about girls' names?"

She couldn't help but laugh at his enthusiasm, he was so certain that they would have a daughter. Jen wasn't sure at all whether she was having a boy or a girl but the fact that Nick already felt so strongly that in about eight months' time he would be holding a beautiful little girl in his arms made her smile "Seeing as you're so certain why don't you tell me what names you like?"

"Emily…"

"Emily Buchanan…" Jen let the name wonder through her mind but it didn't take her long to realise it was the perfect name "It's beautiful."

They looked up at each other and smiled, neither could believe that twenty-four hours ago their lives were anything but perfect and now everything seemed to fall so neatly into place. Jen lay her head back down on his chest and nestled in close. She was thankful that Matt and Stanley had decided to give her and Nick the day off. There was no way she could've gone into work after a moment of pure bliss. Nick kissed the top of her head, his thoughts still fixed on their baby, the feeling of impending fatherhood was wonderful.

_And when she'll open her eyes_

_There'll be no surprise_

_That she'll grow to be, so beautifully_

_Just like her mother_

_That's carrying_

…**.**

Nick held her hand as lay down on the examination table; Jen had remained completely composed throughout the entire appointment but when the doctor had insisted on another ultrasound, this time using the gel and monitor instead of the initial internal one she became worried. The moment the doctor exited the room to gather the equipment Jen looked straight at Nick. Her bottom lip trembled slightly as her eyes begged him for an answer.

"Jen it's okay. I promise you."

"But this is a different doctor Nick. What if this doctor finds something wrong with the baby? He's got the footage from yesterday's ultrasound so why does he need another one. Oh god…oh god…"

Nick noticed her hand shaking slightly and squeezed it tighter "Don't panic Jen. Everything is going to be fine. He probably just wants to check and make sure everything is okay." He smiled at her but nothing could be done to wipe the worry from Jen's face.

"But the doctor yesterday said the baby was perfectly healthy."

"That doesn't mean it won't be today…I promise you that our baby is perfect. Besides…how much did you let the doctor tell you yesterday before you got out of that room?"

"Not a lot…" She admitted as she took in a deep breath, looking up at the same white-washed ceiling she'd stared at the night before. There was something far more eerie looking about it now. "I just wanted to go home. I didn't want Matt to get suspicious."

"Jen…" He sighed "You shouldn't have worried about that. She'll be fine…" She smiled at him and nodded, she trusted Nick. If he said things were going to be okay they would, they just had to be.

"Okay Jennifer are we ready?" The doctor had returned with the ultrasound machine and plugged it in "Now it will feel a little cold at first. You look worried…"

"It's just well you know I had an ultrasound yesterday. Why do you need another one?"

"There's no need to worry Jennifer. This is all just standard procedure, you've come to us with complaints of nausea and faintness and given the ordeal you went through yesterday we just wanted to double check. Besides, I thought you might like some pictures of your baby."

"We do." Nick smiled; the anticipation inside him grew quicker by the second, he was about to see his baby

"Okay…" Dr Thomas applied the gel to Jen's bare abdomen and placed the stick to the gel, spreading it around "And…there we go. There's your baby."

Jen looked back at Nick, unable to stop a few tears from tickling down her cheeks. She'd already seen their baby but sharing this experience with Nick was beyond anything she had ever imagined. Nick did his best not to cry but even he had a few tears as he watched his child up on the monitor, its tiny little body moving ever so slightly within Jen. His baby's heartbeat was possibly the sweetest sound he had ever heard before.

_There is an angel growing peacefully_

"You two have got a perfectly healthy baby. Everything is in perfect proportion for an eight week foetus. I'd say you've got nothing to worry about."

"Eight weeks?! But I thought I was only 4 weeks…if that." Jen looked frantically between Nick and the ultrasound monitor.

"Didn't the doctor tell you yesterday how far along you were?"

"Well... I didn't exactly give him time to. I was in a bit of a hurry to get home."

"That's fine." Dr Thomas smiled and walked towards the door "I'll give you two a moment."

Nick shuffled his chair closer to Jen and stroked her hair gently "That's our little girl."

"I don't understand…eight weeks…I…what happened eight weeks ago?" She turned to face him; Jen couldn't for the life of her remember what had happened eight weeks ago. But the boyish grin on Nick's face told her he remembered exactly what happened.

* * *

_Capris- Colbie Callait_


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12.**

Nick lay back in bed, his arms folded behind his head; he closed his eyes and tried to pretend that in a few hours he'd be back at his desk. Back to sneaking in looks of longing at Jen and trying to catch a quick sneaky kiss in the tea room. He'd have to forget that the night before he'd been in bed with her.

It wasn't the ideal situation to be in but it was one they'd have to deal with until they sat down and figured out what they were going to do. He'd tried to bring it up twice the previous day but Jen had brushed the conversation off both times and he wasn't going to push it. They'd been through enough already, he'd lost her once before because she was afraid and he wasn't going to lose her again. He could hear her grumbling and complaining from her wardrobe, talking in deep conversation with herself. She had been rummaging through it for nearly ten minutes. She was all but standing in there and occasionally a top or jacket would come flying out and land on the bed. He let it go for a few more minutes before curiosity got the better of him and he sat up in bed, looking up at her.

"Jen what are you doing?"

"Getting dressed." She scoffed as she threw yet another top out of her wardrobe "I have no clothes. Nothing at all."

"I wouldn't say that…" He chuckled as he threw a top back at her "What's wrong?"

"Everything is too tight…" She lay on the bed, with everything on but a shirt "if it's too tight then everyone will see my bump. Then they'll know I'm pregnant. Then if they know…"

"Jen you're not even showing." He smiled as he crawled down to the other end of the bed and lay down next to her, his head level with hers "Look…" He took her hand in his and rested it on her stomach "She's in there. But you can't see it. You'll be fine."

"Nope." She sat up abruptly, unsatisfied with Nick's poor attempt to convince her she wasn't getting bigger "Nick I'm going to have to go shopping. I'm getting big."

"At seven thirty in the morning? Is this what I have to look forward to for the next seven months?"

"Yes at seven thirty in the…" She turned to face him "You didn't say anything about me getting bigger. You're supposed to say I'm not!"

"Oh…oh I'm sorry. Jen…you're not big. Not at all." He gave her a boyish grin and sat back up against the head of the bed, pulling the sheets with him "Come on. It'll all be fine." He patted the space next to him on the bed "Come here." She frowned at him at first but the grin on his face and his open arms were all too inviting and she sat herself down on the bed next to him, curling up against his side "Just so you know…I think you look beautiful."

They sat in the contentment of each other's arms for what seemed only like minutes before Nick's second alarm went off and they realised they'd in fact been sitting together for near on half an hour. Reluctantly they let go of each other and got ready for work, neither looking forward to the day ahead of them.

…**.**

It was of no surprise to Nick when they arrived at Homicide that Jen insisted on taking the stairs. He'd watched her carefully out of the corner of his eye on the drive over and he noticed her hands nervously fidgeting with the petrol receipt she had picked up out of his console. He tried on more than one occasion to ask her what was wrong but each time she brushed it off and steered it in a completely unrelated direction. But Nick guessed that the panic she was in earlier that morning was still playing at the back of her mind. She was stubborn and wasn't going to accept his offers of help; all he could do was be there beside her every step of the way ready for the moments where she'd fall back and need him.

"Let's take the stairs Nick…" She took his hand and pulled him towards the stairwell but he refused to budge "Come on its exercise…it'll do you the world of good."

"Oh so I can't say that you're getting fa…bigger. But you can tell me I need exercise?" He smiled at her and drew her in close, savouring a lingering kiss, what would most likely be his last until they got home "You're lucky I love you Jennifer." He whispered against her mouth

"Come on then. Or they'll get suspicious and put a KALOF out for us."

"We're not taking the stairs. I want you to be careful Jen…nothing too strenuous. The elevator was fixed…we'll be fine."

Despite the reservations she had about going back in the elevator Nick's smile made her feel at ease and she followed him in, her hand clutched his tightly as the doors closed shut and she felt a jolt of movement beneath her feet.

"So no strenuous exercise at all then?"

"None at all. You know what the doctor said. He said to just be careful, your body had a bit of a shock the other day Jen, and it needs to recover."

"Ohhh well I guess we better sleep in our own beds tonight then…" She sighed teasingly "I mean if the doctor said no strenuous exercise then I better avoid it…"

"Well…I mean some exercise is okay, because well you don't want to get unfit…"

"No I think I should definitely avoid all exercise…" She hit him playfully across the chest "Oh don't look so disheartened Nick. Let's just get through the day first."

….

They had been back in the office no sooner than five minutes and already the two of them were inundated with questions. Both appreciated the concern but after ten minutes of nonstop questioning it was beginning to get too much. Nick looked across at Jen who quickly took a large gulp of water as a glimpse of fatigue fell across her face.

He wanted to jump into the conversation and tell them to leave his pregnant girlfriend alone but that certainly wouldn't win him any favours with Jen. _Girlfriend…_ he mused over that word in his head. Was she his girlfriend? Yes they'd mended the broken bridges between them, both had admitted their love for the other and they were both starting to gain a grasp on the fact they were expectant parents. But they were yet to sit down and discuss exactly what was going on between them. The more he thought about it the more he began to question everything.

It took all his strength to not assume the doting expectant father role he had so readily taken on. He wanted to shout it from the rooftops, he wanted everyone to share in the joy he was feeling but Nick knew there were some big hurdles they had to jump over before they even thought about telling everyone their news.

"What did you guys do in there for four hours?" Allie asked

"We told you…we talked, I fell asleep and that's pretty much it." Jen tried to busy herself in paperwork but Allie wasn't having a bar of it

"Nahh come on. You talked for four hours straight? About what?"

"Allie we…we played twenty questions. See nothing…" Nick looked at Jen and smiled before typing away profusely on his computer, hoping that this would be the end of the enquiries.

"You two went undercover together _twice_. What can you possibly not know about each other?"

"Do you ever stop asking questions Allie?" Jen's question was met with Allie shaking her head "There is plenty Nick doesn't know about me."

"Ohh really?" Nick smiled playfully "What don't I know? What doesn't everyone here know about Jennifer Mapplethorpe?"

She looked at him and tried hard not to scold him, _what doesn't everyone know about Jennifer Mapplethorpe_?! If he wanted her to announce her pregnancy right then and there he could forget it. But the small smile emanating from his lips told her that once again her hormones had taken full control and Nick's intention was never to force her into announcing her delicate condition.

"I'm not saying anything…" She tried to busy herself in paperwork yet again but no one would have a bar of it. Duncan looked to Nick and the two of them chuckled, they knew exactly what Jen was up to. They both knew her well and knew her doing paperwork was a very poor attempt to escape questioning, one she had used many times.

"Alright Nick…"Duncan grinned at Jen before turning to face him "You tell us then."

"We talked about the usual…pets, favourite movie, favourite song, you know…"

"Nothing else?" Allie waited eagerly for some secret bit of information that Nick or Jen had managed to dig up about the other. They all knew there was a period of time in their lives that they refused to talk about; the second undercover operation they knew all about but they both seemed to shy away from talking about the first "You're both really boring…you know that?" She sighed as she got up and walked off to grab herself a glass of water.

Jen tried vainly to ignore yet another wave of nausea that swept over her. She took a bite out of the muesli bar she had next to her and washed it down with a large gulp of water. She looked down at her desk hoping that Nick wouldn't notice she'd gone a shade of white. At eight weeks she had expected that the morning sickness she was yet to experience would never arrive but it hit her like a ton of bricks and all she wanted to do was go home and curl up in bed.

"Are you okay Jen?" Duncan asked as he looked up to see Jen breathing deeply, her skin had paleness about it

"I'm okay…just feeling a bit nauseous still I guess." She felt Nicks foot caress her shin gently as if to ask why she hadn't said anything to him earlier "I'll be fine. Probably just a stomach bug..."

"Gees aren't you lucky?!" He chuckled "First the elevator and now a stomach bug…what have you done to her Nick?"

Nick tried not to laugh as Jen nearly spat a mouthful of water across the room. _What had he done to her? _He could tell Duncan _exactly_ what he had done but similarly to before he knew none of it would win him any favours with Jen "Hey! Don't look at me mate." Nick laughed with a slight tinge of awkwardness hoping that no one would pick up on the look of horror on Jen's face. Their cover was very close to being blown wide open; that was twice in the past few minutes that their colleagues had come dangerously close to uncovering the secrets Nick and Jen were hiding. He knew then that the time for secrecy was drawing to a close.

…**..**

Jen sat next to Nick on his couch, her feet tucked up underneath her legs as she leant against his chest. One of his arms held her close whilst the other stroked her hair softly. The remnants of their dinner and two glasses, one of wine and the other of apple juice lay discarded on the coffee table in front of them as they basked in a comfortable silence with one another. Nick had avoided bringing up the topic of their relationship and voicing his concerns all night. They needed to talk about it though; he wasn't prepared to bring his child into the world with two parents who had no idea where they stood together. He looked down at Jen and saw her relax with a sigh in his arms, she was on the brink of slumber but this couldn't wait.

"Jen…"

"Mmmm?"

"We have to talk."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13.**

_The elevator ride down to the car was hell. The lump in her throat almost felt like it was choking her, the harder she held it back the more she wanted to let go and cry. Jen couldn't even bare to look at him. He didn't have to talk to her; she knew that he was already in pain, even before anything had been said. _

_The decision to end her relationship with Nick hadn't come easily. She couldn't stay at home when she'd taken the time off, she knew or rather had hoped that he would turn up on her doorstep. It was for that very reason that the afternoon she left the office she hurried home and packed her bags straight away. Her parents' beach house was her choice of hideaway for the five days. She had spent the better part of her time away huddled on the couch with a blanket staring aimlessly out the window hoping that all the answers to her problems would land in her lap. But when the answer did finally come to her it certainly didn't bring the relief she had hoped it would._

_Nick felt a wrench in his heart as the two of them stood in the elevator on their way outside. He knew exactly what she was going to say, she didn't have to speak. That was the kind of connection they had. They had talked, they had always talked, but still they could tell what was going on with the other without words being spoken. He knew she was about to break it off with him but he couldn't understand why. He knew it'd be difficult with them both in Homicide but it didn't matter to him. He loved Jen more than anything else in the world; he wanted something with her that he had never wanted with anyone else._

_They got into the car and as the doors closed she took in a deep breath, you could have heard a pin drop. The silence was deafening and she hated herself for what she was about to say to him but she saw no other alternative._

"We're okay Nick…" She leant up and kissed him on the lips "We can do this."

"Can we? Jen is there even a '_we'_ in this? Because I won't…I can't bring our child into a place where its parents don't even know what the hell they're doing."

Jen sat up abruptly and looked at him in disbelief, surprised by his forwardness and concern. Truth be known she had been expecting him to ask questions sooner or later. All night she could tell that something had been eating at him. He'd go to start a conversation and steer it in a completely different direction. She had been thinking about their relationship too, if she could even call it that. Every possible scenario was running through her head but it was the bad ones, the ones that ended with her and Nick going their separate ways, that stuck with her the most. It was the kind of ending she was afraid of.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying we need to talk about what's going on here. We're having a baby Jen, we can't just pretend like nothing has happened. Because it has. Things are changing and I need to know where we stand."

"Nick if you want out I…" She hoped he would disagree with her but part of her also understood the fact that he may very well want to escape it all. Becoming a parent was a big thing, it was life changing and they were in no way prepared to tackle it "I'll understand."

"I don't want out Jen!" He grumbled, slapping his hand down on the arm of the couch "Why would you even…I just need to know where we stand."

"What do you mean?" She reached out and held his hand, she wanted him to squeeze back but he didn't "We're in this together Nick, all the way."

"Are you sure? Because we weren't even talking to each other. We didn't talk for an entire week, I thought we were through."

She couldn't deny the tiny feeling of hurt that stung in her chest, she couldn't understand how he could think that she would ever leave him again "Nick I don't want to leave you. I'd never do that."

"Funny because a week ago it looked like you were ready to do just that." He shrugged his hand from her grip. It wasn't that he was angry at her but he loved her so much the thought of not being with her hurt. That combined with the overwhelming concept of becoming a parent. He wasn't thinking straight.

"What?! Oh and you think I would actually do that…you think I would leave you? Nick after everything that's happened I can't believe that…"

"You'd done it before. Jen you left me! You left me because you were too scared! Bloody hell!"

"Don't you put this back on me. Nick that was months ago. Months! Let it go!" She could understand his fear but seeing him so angry only made her irritated and stressed, two things she could do without.

Nick felt the anger surging through him and he got up off the couch and walked into the kitchen. He didn't want to look at her at first, too angry to take in the sight of her. An eerie silence fell over the room and for what seemed like forever they remained exactly as they were. Jen was curled up on the couch her hands trembling slightly and her bottom lip quivered as tears crept down her cheeks. Nick remained almost motionless as he kept his back to her, trying desperately to calm himself down but nothing seemed to work. The longer they stayed in silence the sadder he became.

"Jen you hurt me that afternoon…" His voice shattered the stillness like glass "I don't want that to happen again."

"Nick…are you saying that…" This was in no way how she had pictured things turning out and her heart broke just thinking about what was going to happen

"I love you…" He turned to face her and she could see he was on the verge of tears "But if we don't know what's going on here then maybe…" Nick's voice quavered as he tried to keep a hold on his composure "Maybe this will never work. I think…" He didn't want to say what he was about to say but he had to be said, he'd made himself believe that Jen deserved better even though he knew that he was the only one she wanted "I think we need to stop Jen."

Jen didn't want to believe what she was hearing. And for a brief moment she thought if she closed her eyes and slept she'd wake up with Nick in her arms, the night before a simple dream. But that wasn't going to happen. She knew he was hurting still, the wounds of their split still nipped at him on the odd occasion. Nick was completely and utterly devoted to her and things seemed to be going okay. She couldn't understand how he could walk away from everything. Firstly because of how much pain he had gone through when she was the one leaving him and secondly because it wasn't just them anymore. They were no longer just Nick and Jennifer. They were expecting a child together; there was a third person to think about. She needed him; not just for their baby but for herself too. For Jen it was Nick or no one.

_How can you walk away_

_From all my tears?_

_It's gonna be an empty road_

_Without me right here._

"Nick…" Jen swallowed her tears as she got up from the couch, she walked to him and stood so close that he could hear her heart beating "Please…don't do this." She traced his cheekbone gently with her finger, stifling yet another cry that threatened to erupt from within.

He took her hand and kissed it gently, struggling with his own against the tears "Sorry Jen."

"I don't…I don't know if I can do this without you…" Jen sniffed as she fought to keep a grip on his hand but he pulled away again

"You won't have to…I'll be there for the baby but I…I can't…we have to stop this. This isn't good for either of us." He bowed his head, knowing that if he looked her in the eye right at the moment the two of them would fall into a heap, straight into each other's arms. Nick hated himself for letting her go but he was so afraid that the job would destroy their relationship. He loved her too much to see her ever hate the situation she was in.

_So is it over?_

_Is this really it?_

_You've given up so easily,_

_I thought you loved me more than this._

Jen could scarcely get a grasp on how things had gone so quickly from bad to happy and content and straight back to bad. She knew it was the fear and their love for each other that was sending them in this direction. They were meant to be together, she knew it and she knew Nick did too. But she didn't know how to make him see that? Reluctantly she stepped away from him and gathered her things. As she opened his front door Jen let out a whimper, unable to hold it in any longer. She placed one hand gently on her stomach and felt a small amount of comfort knowing she wouldn't be alone when she went home.

Nick looked up and watched her leave his house, closing the door gently as she stepped out. His shoulders were heavy and it felt like his chest was going to fall in. Nick was angrier at himself more at that moment than he ever had before in his life. He hated that he had been so indecisive throughout the entire thing. Jen needed him by her side now more than she ever had before. And he did love her, he loved her so much that letting her go felt like someone had showered his body with bullets.

He took a glass out of the kitchen cupboard and poured himself a scotch in a foolish attempt to numb the pain. But he only had to take one sip of the potent liquid for the regret to hit him front on. Nick grabbed his mobile phone and dialled Jen's number but as he dialled it he hung up. He couldn't spring an apology on her now. It would be far too confusing and she probably wouldn't accept it anyway.

Shoving the bottle of scotch aside he lay down on the couch and half-heartedly pulled the throw rug over himself. His empty bed was the last place he wanted to be.

* * *

_Take it All- Adele_


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14.**

Nick trudged into Homicide at eight o'clock on the dot the next morning, swallowing a dose of panadol as he sat down at his desk. The choice to sleep on his couch was making him pay. The dull ache that spread across his back was a reminder of everything he had said and done the night before, a painful reminder that he had possibly made the biggest mistake of his life. A warm sunlight was shining through the windows and it cast an imposing glow over the office. Everyone seemed to be happy, smiles graced their faces and they moved about the office with a spring in their step. The weekend was fast approaching and everyone's cases were beginning to wind up. It was an unusually perfect week for the Homicide crew. Nick couldn't help but feel envious of them, none of them had singlehandedly driven away the one person who they loved more than anything, the one person who had believed in them from day one and trusted them with their life.

Like it was a reflex his eyes automatically scanned the room for any sight of her. Normally she was one of two places; sitting at her desk getting busy with work straight away or fixing them both their morning cup of coffee. This time she was doing neither and instantly he felt a wave of worry sweep over him. He wondered where she could be, it was too early for her to be out on a case and he knew she wasn't running late. But he brushed it off as best he could, remembering that he had to detach himself now. Nick had made the painful decision to let her go and he had to keep his distance. The closer he got to her the harder it would be for the both of them. No matter how much he loved Jen and how much he wanted to be close to her it couldn't happen.

When two hours had passed and she still wasn't at work then he went into panic mode. Duncan, Allie and Rhys were all coming and going and Matt had been going hell for leather with paperwork in his office. Everyone was there but Jen's desk still remained eerily empty. There were no signs to even suggest that Jen had been anywhere near the office. His fingers were almost aching as he tried not to reach for his phone and call her. Jen was stubborn and he knew even if he did pluck up the courage to call her she was never going to answer.

"Nick…" Matt finally emerged from his office and stood beside him "There's a body I want you and Duncan to sign off on at the morgue."

"Sarge…" Nick sighed; he didn't feel much like doing anything today. Normally he was incredibly driven and couldn't wait to bring justice to those who had none but today was different "Can't someone else do it…I'm snowed under."

"Come on Nick it's just a sign off. It'll take us half an hour max and then we can get back here and finish the paper work." Duncan chuckled, noticing Nick's obvious disdain for the task ahead of them "Tell you what it's my shout at the pub after work."

"Now you can't refuse that from Dunny." Matt smiled "Just get going Nick. Sooner you two go the sooner you can get back."

Reluctantly Nick stood up and gathered his jacket from the back of his chair and nodded. Of all days, today was not the day he wanted to be looking at dead bodies. Not when all he wanted to do was run to Jen's house and apologise on his hands and knees for everything he'd said and done.

"Matt didn't tell us anything about the body…" Nick noted as the elevator doors closed

"A sign off is a sign off whether he tells us about it or not." Duncan looked across to Nick who closed his eyes briefly in pain, his back still throbbing "You okay mate?"

"Yeah. I ended up falling asleep on the couch…not exactly comfortable." He chuckled half-heartedly hoping that Duncan would take the look of melancholy on his face as a result of being uncomfortable and not something more "Did Matt mention where Jen was? I noticed it didn't look like she was in today."

"He said something about her calling in with food poisoning. Told her to take the next two days off work. But you know Jen…" Duncan laughed and Nick joined in as best he could. But he couldn't help but question it. Did he really know Jen?

…**..**

Jen hung herself over the side of the bed and emptied the contents of her stomach into the bucket beside her for the umpteenth time. She wasn't quite sure whether it was morning sickness or the distraught feeling of Nick leaving her, perhaps a horrid combination of both. Either way she felt awful and it had provided her with the perfect excuse not to go to work and face Nick. She flopped back into the bed and pulled the covers up tight, willing herself to feel warm again after another wave of chills hit her. Before Jen had tucked herself into bed the night before she had thrown the pillows from the other side of the bed across the room and they now lay crumpled on the floor. Nick's smell still lingered on their cotton covers and she didn't want to be reminded of him. She wanted to be determined to get him back in her life but the more she thought about it the more she wondered if that was going to be a good thing? If they kept fighting all the time then maybe things weren't meant to be.

_I can't get you out of my head_

_I still feel you in this bed_

_Left me all alone_

_You couldn't be more gone_

_From falling apart to fighting mad_

_From wanting you back to not giving a damn_

_I've felt it all_

Just when she thought she was finished she felt a burning sensation in her throat again and she threw up in the bucket. With what little energy she felt she had she got herself out of bed and dressed herself in the nearest top and pair of tracksuit pants she could find. She needed to go, whether she wanted to or not there was no denying it any longer. Holding her breath as she emptied the bucket into the laundry troth, leaving it to soak in hot water and detergent.

Jen took her keys in her cold and clammy hands and headed for the door. She felt horribly nauseated but she had to go, this had to be done, even if it scared her more than anything.

…..

Visiting the morgue had to be one of the things the Homicide detectives hated most about their job. It's cold silvery interior carried an unmistakeable sadness with it. Here they came to view bodies and here they had the unfortunate task of bringing in family members to say their final farewells. It brought the harsh reality of their job upon them and even if there were no suspicious circumstances attached to the situation it never really made it any easier.

"Detectives…" Ronnie wasn't her usual chipper self when she greeted them and bought them through to where a white sheet draped table sat "Sorry to get you in here but you know the drill. Terrible business it is…deaths like this…" Ronnie sighed as she motioned them over to the table

"Sergeant Ryan didn't tell us anything about this one…"

"Doesn't surprise me at all Detective Freeman. Horrible…just horrible…" She pulled back the sheet to reveal the body to them. Nick felt his heart sink instantly and it took every ounce of strength in him not to cry and scream right at that moment. The sight of a body had never made him so angry and sad all at once before. The longer he looked at it the more he felt his heart shatter.

* * *

_Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You- Kellie Pickler_


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15.**

Time had almost come to a complete stop and the room seemed to sway from side to side ever so slightly as he did his best to absorb the sight before him. Nick suppressed the screams rising in his throat and tried in vain to not let the tears fall. He was angry, the body before them hadn't been murdered but the death was the most callous and cruel he had ever seen. It tormented his soul and made him question everything. He wasn't a religious man but he wondered that if there were a god, how could he let this kind of monstrosity occur? Unable to take the sight in any more he turned away and took in a deep breath.

"Jesus…" Duncan sighed "How old is she?" Nick turned back to look at the young woman that lay before them. She could have been no more than somewhere in her thirties and her soft blonde hair sat at her shoulders. The resemblance to Jen made his heart ache and his stomach swirl with nausea

"She's thirty five. The hospital sent her over…poor thing. There were no health risks identified before she went into labour but…" Ronnie looked across to the young woman and tried not to cry herself; what they saw in front of them was nothing short of a tragedy "as soon as she started to give birth the warning bells rang."

"She died in childbirth…"Nick's voice was hushed and it shook slightly but neither Duncan or Ronnie thought anything of it "The child…"

"A little girl…perfectly healthy. Poor soul though, I don't know whether that helps though. I found a haemorrhage on the brain… that looks to be the cause. The pushing would have built the pressure up and it bled. I know it's not usually one of your lot but you know the drill…"

Nick nodded meekly as Duncan took the paperwork off Ronnie and dealt with the formalities. Regret hit him like a freight train; the moment he set eyes on the woman whose resemblance to Jen was uncanny, his chest wrenched in pain. He had pushed her away because he'd convinced himself that only pain could result from their relationship. Nick had never felt such love for anyone else in his life. Jen made life worth living, she was the reason he woke up in the morning and the force that kept him driven at work. He wasn't sure how he could live without her but selfishly he had pushed her away. The pain of looking at the young woman was becoming too much for him to bear and he quickly covered her back up.

_She may never know unless you_

_Show her what you're feeling_

_Tell her you're believing_

_Even though it's hard to say_

_'Cause she needs to know you're thinking of her_

He mentally kicked himself as he did his part of the paperwork. All he could think about was Jen; his heart felt like it was shattering into a thousand shards just thinking about her. Despite the pain momentarily he placed himself in the shoes of the woman's husband. The beads of sweat started to form on his forehead and he quickly slipped his hands into his jacket pockets to hide the shaking. Nick couldn't even begin to imagine the kind of pain he would feel if it was his wife and the mother of his child lying on the cold hard slab so lifeless. Nothing could be done to stop that one little tear that crept down his cheek. His tough exterior was crumbling away like rubble and beneath it an expectant father who had never felt more vulnerable in his life.

Duncan and Nick smiled sombrely at Ronnie before making their exit but Nick still couldn't concentrate. He could almost feel Jen right there in front of him, he could see her slim figure with just that hint of a bump on her stomach, her blond locks sitting midway on her neck and a smile that made him go weak at the knees. Nick had been so determined to distance himself from her, he had done everything in his power to disconnect himself from anything to do with her but at the end of the day it was all useless. He was powerless against her; there was something about Jen that made him lose all control.

But as soon as he remembered how much he loved her he could see the tears welling in her eyes and voices raised in anger. Nick was so petrified of hurting her again that at the first sign of his feelings resurfacing he had convinced himself that he was never going to be good enough for Jen. In his mind she deserved so much more than he could ever give her.

…**..**

Jen sat on the ground at the foot of the bed, slumped up against the wooden frame. Her eyes grew heavy and she felt the energy slowly slipping away from her; it was only two o'clock in the afternoon but she was completely exhausted. The pile of white wooden planks, bolts and screws at her feet were evidence of her effort to put together a cot for the baby. But she'd had no luck, no matter how many times she read the instructions she couldn't seem to get it right. This should've been the thing Nick and her did together. Nick would put the cot together while she read the instructions and he complained that she was telling him the wrong thing. Instead she was left to do it all alone, Nick wasn't there with her, and he didn't want to be there.

She placed one hand on her belly, already beginning to feel the slightest hint of a bump underneath her palm. Jen could do nothing to stop the tears; she wished Nick could be there with her to share in that small but magical moment. She missed him more than she would care to admit and what little sleep she had managed to get the night before had been hell. She'd gotten so used to having him hold her at night, his arm draped around her waist as her back moulded perfectly against his front.

Jen shoved the box the cot came in aside, almost disgusted by the image of the happy couple with their baby that adorned the front. An ache shot through her heart as she picked herself up off the floor and stared momentarily at the quilt she had bought. It was white with pale green ribbon trimming the sides and an array of trees and little baby animals across the centre. She knew Nick would love it but she had felt like such a fool when she purchased it along with the cot. Baby shopping was something she was supposed to be doing with him and the absence of his warm hand squeezing hers gently as they marvelled at the miniature size of everything in the shop was something she missed. She pulled back the covers and turned off the lamp beside her. Jen did her best to shut out all the reminders of Nick that surrounded her but it was useless, no matter how much he pushed her away he was never really going to leave her.

_I remember the way you made love to me_

_Like I was all you'd ever need_

_Did you change your mind_

_Well I didn't change mine_

_Now here I am trying to make sense of it all_

…

Nick made the quick dash from his car to the front doorstep as the rain pelted against the pavement. The harsh cold wind whipped at his back as he fumbled around in his pocket for his house keys. The sun had just set and he was thankful to be home. After the day he'd had all he wanted to do was curl up in bed and forget that any of it had ever happened. He feigned fatigue when Duncan had offered to buy him that drink and insisted he would make it up to him by shouting the next round, an offer which Duncan gladly accepted. Truth was he did feel like drinking but drowning his sorrows with the two bottles of scotch that sat on his shelf at home seemed far more appealing than falling into a cab at some ungodly hour of the night.

Finally he managed to grab hold of his keys, sighing with relief as he turned them in the front door and stepped inside. Closing the door behind him he noticed an unusual warmth about the place. It was a chilly Melbourne evening and by all rights his house should be freezing until he turned the heater on. As he walked into his lounge he noticed the wall control for the heater had its little green light flashing, it was on and the lights in the lounge were switched on as well. But he knew he hadn't turned either on before he left that morning, the sun was out and shining there had been no reason to turn the heater on.

Once again he found himself springing into panic mode as he grabbed the nearest blunt object and held it firmly in his grip, a small tin of paint he had bought a week earlier. Gingerly he made his way down the hall. There was only one explanation for any of it; there was somebody in his house.

* * *

_1. Tell Her- Lonestar_

_2. Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You- Kellie Pickler_


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16.**

Nick crept slowly up the hallway towards his bedroom; every other room in the house had been empty so if the intruder was going to be anywhere at all they were going to be in the bedroom. The floorboards creaked beneath his feet and he felt his heartbeat get faster as he approached his bedroom door. He had been on raids before and he'd snuck up on criminals before and he'd never been scared. But there was something far more terrifying about confronting and intruder in your own home. When he came to the door he stopped dead in his tracks, almost too petrified to move. It wasn't just him in the world anymore; he couldn't just go off and be careless, he had a child to think about. And Nick couldn't stand the thought of not being there for his baby. This was not the time to be reckless but curiosity and a tinge of fear got the better of him.

He reached out for the door handle with his right hand, the tin of paint still clutched in his left; he hesitated momentarily before turning the handle. The doubts rose to the surface and Nick suddenly found himself wondering whether he should do the sensible thing and call someone to come and help him. The detective in him knew that was exactly what he should be doing but he pushed that aside and took a deep breath as he turned the handle on the bedroom door and let it creep open.

What he saw before him was not what he had expected to see. In all honesty he had expected a burly bloke of about average height and above average weight, with a balding head and tattoos sitting on the edge of his bed waiting to pounce. Instead what he saw was quite the opposite. There was no thug waiting to jump him, instead he saw this petite little figure curled up beneath the sheets. The moonlight shone dimly in the room but he didn't need any more light to tell him who it was. He had all the confirmation he needed right in front of him. The identity of the figure in his bed was unmistakable. The way her legs were curled up ever so slightly and her arms clutching a pillow, _his _pillow close to her as she nuzzled her head against it. Her soft blond hair covered her face partially but he could still see that small smile she would give in the midst of deep slumber.

It had not crossed his mind for even a second since he left her that he would ever see Jen sleeping in his bed again. But there she was, lying peacefully in his bed without a care in the world and completely of her own accord. He hadn't begged her to come back to him like had contemplated doing so, she had turned up because she wanted to and nothing melted his heart more than to know that despite everything she still loved him. He stood at the foot of the bed and smiled at her, he wondered how he had been so lucky to find someone as perfect to him as she was. He felt his feet knock something as he went to move to her side of the bed, he looked down at felt his heart fill with warmth at the sight.

"Oh Jen…" He whispered as he bent down to look at the scattered pieces of wood and bolts, he picked one of the bolts up and twirled it in his fingers. He thought about waking her but already he found himself second guessing. She looked so peaceful as she slept and finally she didn't look as though she were about to fall to pieces. Nick wasn't quite sure whether he wanted to be there when she woke up or not. Because the moment she woke up they would be right back where they were before. The tension and the anger wouldn't magically disappear; she'd sit up in the bed, look him in the eye and remember the pain she had caused him. They would fight and throw insults at each other that they didn't mean and she would walk away, pretending that she hadn't woken up in his bed because she yearned to be held by him again.

It was the quilt for the cot that caught his eye and he found himself fighting back the tears as he imagined their little bundle of joy tucked up underneath it. Her little mouth moving slightly as she dreamt the night away, he even imagined a little smile gracing her small face the way her mother did. Nick did his best to fight the feelings that were beginning to stir within him but the more he tried the harder it got. He couldn't stand the thought that he wouldn't wake up next to Jen every day for the rest of his life and that he wouldn't be woken up by miniature versions of themselves jumping up and down on the bed eager to get them up and play. He had everything he had ever wanted right in front of him and although previously he didn't want to admit it, he was scared that he would lose it and never be able to get it back.

_Look at me, I'm way past pride_

_Isn't there some way that we can try_

_To be us again_

_Even if it takes a while_

_I'll wait right here until I see that smile_

_That says we're us again_

As quietly as he could without waking her he set about putting the cot together. Renovating had long been a hobby of Nick's; he found great satisfaction in renovating, he liked the fact that he could see physical changes. There was proof that things had changed and seeing a practical outcome was something he enjoyed. But there was something entirely different about constructing the cot. He felt a sense of pride flowing through him as piece by piece it came together. The renovations on his house and been for his own pleasure, he had done them for himself but the cot wasn't about him. It was about someone who would become one of the most important people in his life.

Nick could do nothing to wipe the grin from his face as he stood back finally after no more than ten minutes of trying to decipher instructions he was sure were written in another language. He picked up the mattress and covered it with the sheets Jen had bought before placing it in the cot; he unwrapped the quilt from its packet and lay it on top, running his fingers across the embroidered front. He couldn't wait to look into it and see his beautiful little girl lying there before him.

No matter how much anyone could try to convince him otherwise, he knew that in seven months' time Jen would be giving birth to a baby girl.

He looked across to Jen who was so blissfully unaware of his presence in the room and he gripped the side of the cot tight. Nick was afraid that if he let go for even a second he would fall back into all habits and find himself lying beside her, his front against her back while his left arm would draw her in close. If Jen woke up with Nick holding he was certain she would panic and leave before he had a chance to explain anything. He breathed in a heavy sigh and left her sleeping, closing the door behind him gently.

The full bottle of scotch sitting on his shelf was tempting but instead he reached for the coffee machine and turned it on, waiting patiently for it to brew. The coffee was sure to keep him up for hours but it didn't matter, he didn't feel much like sleeping anyway.

…**.**

Jen stretched her arms out wearily, yawning as she rubbed her eyes of the sleep. She wasn't quite sure how much sleep she had gotten but she still didn't feel like it had been enough, the baby was certainly beginning to take it out of her. She sat herself up in the bed, still clutching his pillow close to her chest, her tears slowly soaking the fabric. The moonlight was creeping through the window and it cast a glow over the room and an odd familiarity filled her, it was a certain sense of comfort and she knew straight away where she was. For a moment Jen had forgotten that she'd fallen asleep in Nick's bed and it wasn't until she looked around the room and saw his favourite photograph of the beach hanging on the wall that she realised. Jen mentally kicked herself for going to his house and quickly got herself up out of bed and searched around in the dark for her shoes.

She couldn't let him catch her in his bedroom; she wasn't sure if she wanted to talk to him or she had just ended up at his house out of habit. Jen wasn't ready to confront him. What did she say to him? Did she yell and scream at him because she was angry or did she cry and bow her head low in disappointment? Or maybe she would beg and plead him to let her back in his life. The confusion made her head spin, she wanted so bad to be with him and the thought that he didn't love her like she loved him broke her heart.

As she turned to walk out of the room she felt her breath hitch, there was the cot she'd bought earlier. It had been completely put together and the mattress sat neatly inside with the quilt atop. No one else could've done it other than Nick and she smiled to herself. She knew how much Nick loved to renovate and build things and she wished she could have seen him putting it together. Jen bit her bottom lip to stifle the tears that welled in the corners of her eyes. She ran her hand across the railing and imagined standing there watching their baby sleep as Nick stood behind her with his arm around her waist. She tried to imagine the same thing minus Nick standing with her but it was pointless, she couldn't do it. No matter how hard Jen tried things always ended up at the same point- _Nick_. Nick may have had his doubts about their relationship but Jen knew right at that moment that she had none.

The sounds of Nick fumbling around the kitchen rolled down the hallway and Jen knew she needed to talk to him. Even if she was uncertain of the outcome, the little niggle at the back of her mind told her that there was every possibility that Nick was going to push her away even further. Nick Buchanan was a proud man and Jen knew he thought he was doing the right thing by ending their relationship.

Jen took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly as she opened Nick's bedroom door and tentatively walked down the hallway towards the lounge. His shoulders and tousled brown hair come into view as she turned the corner; he sat on the couch with his legs stretched out and his hands gripping a steaming hot mug of coffee. The old record player at the other end of the room played the blues at an almost inaudible volume, she knew then just how much he was hurting. Nick never drank coffee that late at night and listened to the blues on vinyl unless he was trying to escape something. The slight shake in his hands was the tell-tale sign though, ever since they'd spent that year undercover together Jen had noticed all the intricate little details about him. Jen knew Nick almost better than he knew himself. She stood behind him for what seemed like an eternity before she plucked up the courage to speak; she didn't know what she was going to say to him but she had to bite the bullet and confront him regardless. She needed him.

"Nick…"

* * *

_Let's Be Us Again- Lonestar_


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17.**

Nick slowly tapped his foot to the rhythm of the music as it crackled from his record player, although he wasn't in much of a mood to listen to anything or anyone, except Jen. Nick could talk to her for hours; he just didn't have the words.

He could feel the effects of the coffee starting to set in and he knew he was in for the long haul, there wouldn't be any sleep heading his way any time soon. Not that it would even without the coffee. Sleep didn't come easy for Nick without Jen beside him. His attention was caught by footsteps coming down the hallway. The soft sounds of Jen's feet padding against the floorboards was a familiar sound and he would've known it was her even if he hadn't seen her sleeping in his bed. He could hear the apprehension in the way she walked and eventually she stopped and they remained in silence for what felt like forever.

His ears suddenly became sensitive to every intricate little sound around them and he could have sworn he heard Jen's breath hitch as she opened her mouth. What did he say to her? Nick had been waiting for her to emerge from the bedroom and he'd been running over the situation in his mind over and over again but when the moment was finally upon him he found himself speechless. He wanted to apologise to her but he was so petrified that the damage he'd done was irreversible.

"Nick…" Jen's voice was hushed and weary; he could hear her shuffle one step closer to him.

Nick stood and turned to face her, he felt his fingers moving of their own accord, reaching forward to caress her cheek like it was an involuntary reflex but he clenched his fist tight. From the moment he'd seen her curled up in his bed he'd thought about holding her close. Nick fought himself for control but it was tough; the longer he looked at Jen the more he wanted to sweep her up in his arms. It pained him to see Jen standing before him looking so forlorn, her tousled hair partially obscuring her face. He took a step closer to her hoping she wouldn't reject his small advance and to his surprise she stood firmly on the spot, her limbs hanging loosely by her side.

"I'm…" Jen begged him with her eyes; the words she had gone over so meticulously in her head failed her. She looked up at him fearfully; afraid that the moment their gazes locked that she would see something she didn't want to. The two of them stood watching each other intently for minutes on end, eyes examining every facet, every tiny little movement hoping that they'd discover something. Anything that would tell them how the other was feeling "I'm sorry." Jen finally broke the silence, unable to stand its agonising presence any longer "I shouldn't have come."

Nick watched as Jen turned hurriedly and ran to his bedroom; he could hear her crying as she fiddled with something which he quickly deduced as being the screwdriver he'd used to put the cot together. He followed her and leant against the doorframe watching with a twinge in his heart as she tried to pull the cot to pieces, stopping occasionally to wipe away the tears with her sleeve.

"Jen what are you doing?" He sighed as he moved into the room, sitting down on the edge of the bed as she tried hopelessly to dismantle the cot

"I need to…get…this back…home." Jen defiantly tried to heave the mattress out of the cot but it was too heavy for her "Dammit!" She flopped onto the bed next to Nick, dropping the screwdriver on the floor "I should never have brought it here in the first place. It was stupid…"

"No it wasn't…" Nick said, taking her hand in his and holding it gently "It wasn't stupid."

"Stop that!" She grumbled as she pulled her hand away from his and sat up to face him "You can't do that Nick. You can't push me away and then be all…all…like that again. It's not fair."

He chuckled at her inability to find the right words and the look of frustration on her face as she did so "I shouldn't have pushed you away like that."

"Then why…" Her bottom lip was beginning to tremble "I would never hurt you the way you hurt me. Nick you can't keep doing this…pushing me away. We're having a baby; we can't keep going like this." Jen bowed her head low, letting the tears creep down her cheeks

"I know…" He reached out and stroked her cheek softly; afraid that he knew exactly where she was heading "I shouldn't have brought it up Jen. We were going okay until I went and blew it."

"Why are you so scared Nick? I would never leave you…I love you." Jen rest her hand on his, relief surging through her when he took her hand and held it tight

"Jen…" Nick tentatively edged closer to her on the bed, their thighs resting against each other now. The close proximity between them was intoxicating "I just…the thought of not having you around… But you deserve more than this…I don't want you to wake up in two, three years' time and hate yourself because you wish you'd done something different."

_I'm sorry for the way I lost my head_

_I don't know why I said the things I said_

_Let's be us again_

With her free hand she cupped his cheek gently "Don't push me away Nick. I'm scared too."

He tucked a stray hair behind her ear "I don't want to lose you Jen. But I'm no good for you…"

"Let me make up my own mind…"She ran her fingers through his hair "I can't do this without you."

"It won't be easy. Fixing this…it'll take time Jen."

"I know. But we can do this can't we?" She leant her head in close, their foreheads resting against each other "Try Nick please…stop pushing. _We_ need you." Jen kissed him softly on the lips, letting them linger no longer than a single second "I know you don't want to end this any more than I do."

Nick's eyes found themselves locked in a gaze with Jen's and he couldn't draw himself away. There was something about her that had a strange power over him. Not for one second since the moment they had first met had he ever stopped loving her. He had never been so frightened in all his life, he stood to lose everything he held dear in his life and all because of his own blatant stupidity. Jen was sitting right in front of him forgiving him for making a mistake he was sure was the biggest mistake of his life. He wished he could be as certain as she was but that niggling feeling of fear still sat at the pit of his stomach.

"Jen what if…"

_Can you run across her picture and not wonder where she is?_

_Can you catch the scent of her perfume and not think about her kiss?_

_If you can't stop dreamin' 'bout her when you're sleepin' all alone_

_Well that's all you need to know_

_Don't leave her_

"You're starting to sound like someone I used to know." Her smile sent a flutter through his heart "We can do this. Trust me. Come on…" She let go of his hand and crawled up to the top of the bed "Just sleep." Jen pulled back the covers and patted the space in the bed beside her.

Nick knew then that Jen was never going to give him up. She had every right to want to not want to talk to him ever again. But she didn't, she wasn't going anywhere and it put his mind to rest knowing she still loved him. He loosened his tie from around his neck and tossed it haphazardly onto the floor; he kicked off both of his shoes and got in the bed beside her. Nick ignored the fact that he was still dressed in his suit shirt and pants, the slight discomfort was insignificant compared to the suffering his back endured the night before. Jen pulled the covers up around them and smiled at him, her fingers caressing his cheek.

"Goodnight Nick." She whispered before closing her eyes and slipping back into sleep almost instantly. Nick watched her for nearly half an hour before his own fatigue started to get the better of him and his eyes begin to close themselves. He wanted to reach out and draw her in close but he resisted the temptation. Nick took one last look at the cot sitting at the end of his bed and then back to Jen who had one hand resting against her abdomen, smiling to himself before drifting to sleep. Things weren't back to normal and he knew that when they woke up in the morning there was still things they had to talk about but for now just sleeping next to her was all he needed.

* * *

_1. Let's Be Us Again- Lonestar_

_2. Don't leave her (if you can't let her go)- Chris Young_


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18.**

Nick's alarm sounded at six o'clock sharp and he contemplated hitting snooze and curling back up beneath the covers. But he knew he couldn't get away with it; Jen was already off work with 'food poisoning' and if he were to call in sick too then suspicion would most likely arise whether he was careful or not. He stretched his arms out and yawned, feeling his arms restricted by the pressed cotton work shirt he forgot for a split second that he'd spent the night in the same bed as Jen. Unconsciously he reached out beside him, hoping to grab hold of her hand in his, feeling a tingle of warmth in an otherwise freezing room. But there was nothing, instead of her soft palm he found himself clutching at handfuls of blanket. Momentarily he thought that perhaps he'd dreamt the entire thing up and that he and Jen were still stuck in a horrible little rut. But when he sat himself up and saw the dark mahogany wood of the cot still at the end of the bed Nick knew it was all a reality.

Last night's talk with Jen had not gone how he had planned it at all. He had expected them to sit down and discuss things properly; instead they'd both danced around the topic and crawled into bed together without really even touching on the subject. Jen sounded so positive when they sat next to each other in the darkness and after everything she had said to him he expected her to be lying next to her in bed with his arm draped gently across her waist, or at the very least he would wake up to see her face relaxed and content in slumber. But he had neither. Instead the sheets were crumped and he could see a slight indentation on the pillow where she had rest her head.

Nick caught himself thinking for no more than a second that Jen had left him without explanation. But his worries were cut short when he heard the bubbling of the boiled kettle and the clinking together of teaspoons as she fished one out of the drawer. His heart came to rest easy in his chest and he launched himself up and out of bed, opting for a shower before joining her in the kitchen. Although Jen loved him in whatever state he was in, Nick was a tidy person and the thought of still being in yesterday's clothes didn't sit easy with him. As he pulled his work clothes for the day from his wardrobe he could hear Jen moving about his kitchen with ease, it was as if she'd never left to begin with. And for a split second as he stood at the bedroom door and watched Jen as she went about her normal morning routine just as she would if she were in her own home.

He didn't realise just how much he'd missed Jen right until that moment. Seeing her so comfortable and relaxed, like she was always meant to be there. If it weren't for the feeling of day old work clothes clinging to his skin Nick could've stood there for hours and just watched her. But he quickly slipped into the bathroom and closed the door quietly so Jen wouldn't know he'd been there.

_Nick was surprised at how easily that he and Jen found themselves in a romantic relationship. He wasn't going to lie to himself; there had been nothing but love on his mind from the moment he set eyes on one Jennifer Mapplethorpe. But he knew how stubborn and strong minded she was, more importantly he knew that Jen was a stickler for the rules. To say he felt bowled over when Jen confessed to him in the elevator that things would feel strange without him beside her was an understatement. But at the same time it filled him with an inexplicable bliss. For years he had waited for some kind of sign that she felt the same way about him. Confirmation that their passionate almost tryst years earlier was more than just a moment of weakness. And now he had exactly that._

_He contemplated offering to drive her home but before he knew it they were in his car on the way back to his place after stopping off to get dinner at the little Thai place around the corner. The conversation over diner had been quiet and almost non-existent; occasionally Jen would wince in pain as her she moved a certain way, the gunshot wound still agonizingly raw. Eventually their bowls were empty and he filled their wine glasses for the third time. They had no choice now but to talk. They couldn't pretend that they hadn't almost consummated their relationship for the second time. Nick and Jen both knew that had they not been interrupted by their SIS colleagues that morning then they would have more than likely ended up in a similar position to that night on their first undercover operation. _

"_Jen when you said that it'd be strange…" He trailed off as he spoke; embarrassed that perhaps he was on the completely wrong track_

"_I think I realised something over these past few days Nick…" She shuffled closer to him, placing her wine glass back on the table "Things haven't really been the same since have they?"_

"_It's different this time. Things have changed…" _

"_I know." Jen whispered as she leant against his chest, shifting about until her arm was in the least amount of pain possible "I've missed you." He kissed the top of her forehead gently and rubbed circles on her back. It was reminiscent of many a moment they'd shared in their lives as Trish and Wesley and it never ceased to amaze him how it felt like it was always meant to be that way._

Nick slipped on his suit jacket and examined himself in the mirror once more before he left his bedroom. He felt much better and far more comfortable now that he'd changed. Still nothing could be done to shake the feeling of uneasiness that sat in the pit of his stomach. Last night was so out of the blue for both he and Jen and he weren't sure how to approach the situation now. Did he walk up to her and hold her in his arms like he used to? Or did he just waltz about his kitchen as he normally did of a morning and pretend that she wasn't even there? As much as he wanted to go with the first option he knew neither of them was going to work in his favour. So he took a deep breath and left the safety of his bedroom and went to join Jen in the kitchen.

The rustling about in the kitchen had stopped and he saw Jen sitting at his kitchen bench happily munching away on some breakfast and she had poured herself a glass of juice he had made himself a day earlier. It puzzled him though that she wasn't drinking her regular morning cup of tea, nor was she eating the bowl of cereal she always liked to eat. Everything she was doing was different and it worried him a little.

Nick grinned at her as he walked into the kitchen and over to the kettle, flipping it's switch as he turned to look at her "Morning."

"Morning." She replied, wiping her mouth

"Did you sleep okay?" The conversation felt hopelessly awkward but he was still afraid he would frighten her off if he was too forward

"Well…if someone wasn't tossing and turning all night…" Jen noticed the instant discouraged look on Nick's face, his head tipping low and eyes closing momentarily "It's okay Nick." She chuckled "I wasn't too tired anyway. I'd slept earlier."

"Ohh good…good. I'm…" _Come on Nick, it's now or never,_ he could feel himself contemplating retreating but he couldn't let it happen "I'm glad you stayed." He made himself a cup of coffee and sat down beside her at the bench

"Me too."

Nick had been mulling over what he was about to say the entire time he'd been in the shower but he had to get it off his chest "Jen…" He took her hand in his "I…I know we've still got a lot to get through but…well I know we're not going to say anything to Wolfie or Matt or Waverly yet…but maybe…"

She laughed and took his cheek in the palm of her hand "Nick out with it."

"Sorry…" Nick smiled bashfully "Maybe you could…you know…move in…with me…or something…" The last few words were almost inaudible as he trailed off, he was petrified of her response and he knew after everything that had happened over the past twenty four hours it was a big step. But Nick also knew that if he didn't ask her now he'd never ask her.

"Nick… that's a big step. We haven't really even tried to work things out."

"I know. It was a stupid idea."

"Nobody said that…I think it's a good idea." She lifted his chin up so she could see his eyes. Jen had never known Nick to be so worried before in his life. And seeing him like that should've made her worried too but it didn't. Seeing Nick so petrified of losing her made her realise that he loved her more than either of them would ever know "But you have to be sure Nick. Last night you weren't…you kept pushing me away. Why are you so scared?"

"I can't lose you Jen…" He admitted "It's you or it's no one."

_You're more than a lover_

_There could never be another_

_To make me feel the way you do_

_Oh we just get closer_

_I fall in love all over_

_Every time I look at you_

"I don't want to do this without you Nick."

"Stay with me…here. I'll turn the spare room into our daughter's room… I want this to work Jen."

"Nick…" she warned, a slight look of disapproval gracing her face "How many times do I have to tell you…" He felt his heart twisting and pulling, he'd gone and put his foot in it, he was certain "There is every possibility that we are having a boy too."

Nick couldn't wipe the smile off his face as he leaned in to kiss her, their hands still clasped together, but his perfect little bubble popped when he looked up to see the clock ticking towards seven "It's nearly seven. I have to go."

"No…stay at home with me." _Home_, already hearing her say it sounded like music to his ears

"One of us has to be the breadwinner." He joked, stealing one more kiss before gathering his wallet and car keys "I'll be back later. Will you..."

"I'll have to go home and grab some clothes but then I'll be back." Jen picked up the tea spoon and opened the jar of marmalade she had out earlier for her toast. She stuck it in and took out a heaped spoonful, savouring the sweetness as she put it in her mouth "Mmmm. You should buy more of this."

"Jen you hate marmalade." He laughed, realising this would probably be the first in a long line of bizarre cravings

"But this one is good." Jen said quickly before eating another mouthful

"I tried to get you to eat that for years and you wouldn't touch it. The one time you did you were nearly sick…"

Jen looked at the jar, remembering her strong disdain for the orange tasting conserve, then to Nick and back to the jar. He was right, she never could stand it, and even the thought had once made her want to be sick. But she shrugged her shoulders and continued to happily eat it straight out of the jar. Nick just shook his head and smiled, planting a soft kiss on her forehead before saying his goodbyes and heading for work. He couldn't wait to get home again.

* * *

_My Best Friend- Tim McGraw_


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19.**

It took Nick and Jen a further two and a half months and several arguments later to finally begin taking Jen's things and moving them into Nick's house. It seemed to be the same quarrels constantly popping up at the most unexpected and inconvenient moments. Nick still failed to comprehend how things just wouldn't settle between them. He still had this naive little thought planted in his mind that somehow this baby was going to make everything better between him and Jen. They just couldn't seem to work things out; they'd go from being at each other's throats to curling up beside each other in bed. But they couldn't deny how in love they were and how much the idea of parenthood had grown on them. Nick, who had been the more hesitant out of the two, could no longer imagine living his life with anyone else but Jen. And Jen, who had resisted the idea of having a family, could not wait to experience every new milestone with Nick by her side.

Eventually Nick had figured out what was bothering Jen so much and he felt stupid for not guessing sooner. Jen was approaching the halfway mark in her pregnancy, she was just over four months pregnant and it was becoming more and more difficult to conceal the little bump that was beginning to make its presence known. This meant they were going to have to bite the bullet and tell their superiors what was going on. It also meant they had to completely confront the situation before them. Up until now they'd been able to avoid it to a point; occasionally the topic would come up but they'd both tip toe around it, neither sure what to say.

Nick woke on a warm spring morning to see that once again Jen was not lying beside him. It no longer frightened him when he found that he wasn't holding her close like he had been when they'd fallen asleep. Jen had taken to waking up in the extreme early hours of the morning usually around three o'clock and once she was up she'd satisfy whatever craving she had, this week it was kiwi fruit on toast. Then she'd sit up reading on the couch for no more than ten minutes and fall into an exhausted heap until Nick woke her up and picked her up. His strong muscular arms holding her protectively close as her arms hung loosely around his neck, her tired head nuzzling against his chest as he brought her back to bed.

He chuckled to himself as he pondered over what it was exactly that she was doing. He surprised himself with how much he was enjoying their new life together. Nick had heard so many horror stories of pregnancy from his mother and his two sisters, even his brother had some to share. But Nick couldn't see any of what they'd said in what he had. To him his life was the very definition of perfection; he found no fault in it whatsoever.

Jen's quiet sobs echoed down the hall and he sprung up out of bed instantly, forgetting that he was only wearing his pyjama shorts and ran to the bathroom. She was standing in front of the mirror in her work clothes, the tears cascading down her cheeks as her hands rest protectively over their child.

"Hey…Hey…" Nick hushed as he pulled Jen into his embrace "It's okay." He rubbed her back gently, soothing her as best he could "What happened?"

"Why now? Everything was going great…WHY?!" Jen's crying became quieter and quieter as Nick continued to run his hand up and down her back "Look…" She whispered as she took two steps back from him, undoing the buttons on her jacket.

Nick knew this was a serious moment but he couldn't hide the toothy grin from his face. Jen was only small and they both knew it wouldn't take long before her petite body began to show all the changes of pregnancy. And there it was right in the centre of her, a small but very noticeable baby bump. They couldn't hide it anymore; there was no pretending to their colleagues that they were Nick Buchanan and Jennifer Mapplethorpe 'just friends' they were Nick and Jen 'expectant parents' and 'lovers'. They had in no way prepared themselves for today; it had crept up on them far too quick for their liking but never the less they had two hours to figure out just how they were going to break the news.

….

The cup of tea Nick had given her before they left had done little to calm Jen's nerves. She rambled on incessantly on their way to Homicide. All morning she hadn't been able to stop thinking about how everyone would react to their news. She stared out the window aimlessly trying to think of exactly what she would say to them but the words wouldn't come no matter how hard she thought.

Jen had always been incredibly professional and it was a quality her colleagues and superiors revered. Would they think any less of her as a detective? Would they scold her and Nick? Would one of them lose their job in Homicide? It was all becoming too much for her and she rolled down the window slightly, allowing the breeze to blow against her face. There were three people whose opinions mattered most to her in this situation and it was those three people she was most nervous about speaking to.

Over her time in Homicide Jen had built a close bond with Bernice Waverly. It had been built on strength and the respect between the two women. Jen could still clearly hear in her head the conversation they had before the inaugural Women in Blue Dinner.

"_Jennifer…there's no reason you couldn't be sitting in this chair one day. If that's what you wanted."_

She felt the situation begin to weight heavy on her shoulders and for a split second she wondered whether Bernice would harbour any disappointment towards her. After all Bernice had always expected great things from her and she could imagine it now; all the promotions and advancements, she even caught herself imagining just what it'd be like to have her own office and for a split second she could feel the cool leather of the chair beneath her. But now she was heading in the complete opposite direction. Homicide meant everything to Jen, it was her life and even on the odd occasion where she took a sick day she still felt at a loss. If she could only just cope with a day how could she cope with what could be the rest of her life? Would she miss it?

Jen's mind lingered on the edge, as she tried to imagine Bernice's reaction. She had come to the conclusion that it would be her reaction that would either help or hinder how she handled the situation. But then she remembered that Bernice Waverly had been there and done that. She'd had the marriage and the baby and still kept the job, momentarily anyway. It planted a seed of determination within Jen, she knew she was going to have it all and keep it that way. Nick was one of a kind and she couldn't risk losing that.

Stanley and Matt were the other two people she'd worried about. Stanley had always backed Jen, he'd stood up for her and believed in her right from the start, no questions asked. What would he think? And Matt, she didn't even know what she would tell him. Jen was near on perfectionist when it came to the rules and she had been so adamant all those years ago when Matt showed interest and affection in her that they keep their relationship professional. That their friendship was too important. How would he go listening to her say she'd gone and done what she never said she would? Would they congratulate her and Nick? Would they laugh and say they'd always known it was going to happen? Or would there be severe reprimanding for the both of them?

That was what frightened her the most. And had frightened her from day one. Deep down she knew her relationship with Nick was going to be frowned upon. Relationships with your colleagues weren't the done thing, and although the rule wasn't written down in stone everybody knew it was there and abided by it.

"You ready?" Nick asked her as they pulled into the car park "Jen?"

"Nick. I don't know if I can do this. What are they going to say?"

"It doesn't matter what they say, you know that. I'm not going anywhere. We've got each other and our little girl." He teased and the small and meek smile that crept onto her face reassured him

"But relationships with your workmates…Nick we shouldn't even…"

"Jen the rule isn't written down in our contracts…" He cupped her cheek in his hand, wiping away the tears

"It's still a rule. They all expected so much of me…Waverly…all of them. You know she told me I could be Commander one day, if I wanted. She thinks I could do it Nick. What if I never get to do that? You know…what if I never go back to work? Nick Homicide means everything to me. What have I done?"

"Jen you've done nothing wrong. And if you want to go back to work then we'll do everything we can to make sure you do. Nobody will stop you, I promise."

"But Nick…after this…what if they won't have me back? We've broken the rules."

"Why are you so worried?" He took her hand and kissed the tips of her fingers gently

"I don't want to lose you." She whispered her eyes closing to half mast

"You won't lose me. Jen nothing anyone says is going to change anything. I promise."

Jen's grip on Nick's hand became just a little bit tighter as the elevator doors closed and they slowly began to make their way up. He'd noticed she held a little bit of apprehension now whenever she got in the elevator. She'd look up at him and smile weakly, keeping half an eye on the emergency phone just in case.

"Jen relax. The elevator isn't going to break again."

"I would've said the same thing last time but we both know what happened there." She huffed "Sorry…I'm nervous. What are we going to say to them?"

"We just go with what we'd planned. I'll go in and talk to Stanley you tackle Matt. Then I suppose they're both going to want to talk to Waverly and Jarvis."

"Gosh Nick, what have we done?"

He pulled her closer and planted a kiss on her temple, making his way tantalizingly slow down her cheek and towards her neck, a small gasp emanating from her lips "Well it started like this…and then…" Nick's voice was low and almost husky "then we…" he spoke in between kisses

"Nick stop." She sighed, letting go of his hand and stood on the other side of the elevator "Not now. Let's just get this over and done with. We talk to Matt and Wolfie, we stand strong and we go from there."

He nodded and kept his distance, Nick already had a plan but he hadn't told Jen. He knew it would only spar further arguments with her and he didn't want that to happen, so he'd decided to tell her after the wheels were well and truly set in motion.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20.**

Jen tried to keep her composure as she walked to her desk, her handbag placed strategically in front of her now visible bump. It was a poor concealment but nobody seemed to notice. She placed her bag down on her desk and turned to face Nick. She felt all the stronger for looking at his smiling face. He was right; nothing was going to change between them. No matter what their superiors threw their way it was never going to change the fact that she was mad about him.

"Let's do this." He whispered and she nodded

Nick resisted the temptation to take her hand and give it a gentle squeeze. He wanted to reassure her that things were going to be fine but he knew that wasn't the way to do it. They were about to try and prove that they had been incredibly professional; a last minute slip up was not what they needed.

Instead he looked into her eyes with a deep gaze as they stood at the doors to Stanley and Matt's offices. Jen looked around the office briefly and smiled at him, before placing her hand on the door handle and turning it.

…**..**

"Can I have a word Sarge?" Nick stood in the doorway, holding his head high, this was going to be tough but he was determined not to let it get to him.

"Sit down." Stanley smiled back but the look on Nick's faced worried him "Is something the matter?"

"Well…" Nick closed the door behind him and looked over to Matt's office where Jen was just sitting down "Not exactly Sarge. You see…well…it's…"

"Out with it Nick…"

"Sarge you know I like my job and Jen…she does to…like her job. But well…"

"How long?" Stanley asked, still musing through the files that had landed on his desk that morning

"Sorry…" Nick couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. Had they been that obvious?

Stanley had known something was going on between Nick and Jen the moment Nick went missing in the midst of the Dane Majors fiasco. He had known the second he set eyes on Jen in his office the morning Nick was due back at work. It had been written all over face; nobody showed that kind of anguish and concern over someone who was just a friend. Nobody's eyes welled up when they spoke about someone. What had been the clincher was just how Jen had been sure something had happened to Nick. After all an emergency key and a safe in the bedroom were not facts you divulged to just anyone.

And whether they were trying to keep it hidden or not there was no hiding the chemistry that brewed between the pair constantly. But Stanley had kept quiet about what he'd begun to notice; from what he could see Nick and Jen had remained as professional as ever. And if he couldn't see any changes to their work ethic he didn't see why things should change.

"You and Jennifer. How long? I have noticed Nick…although I will say you've both managed to keep it all under wraps quite well."

"It's been about two years but…well there was a break for a couple of months but…Sarge it's not just that…It's Jen…"

….

"It's good to see you back." Matt smiled as she stepped into his office, her hands placed in front of her stomach "Take a seat. How are you feeling?"

"Oh I'm fine." The small talk was making her itch in her seat, Jen just wanted to get it off her chest "I'm feeling great…"

"Jen are you sure…you look, nervous. Is something the matter?"

"Matt…" She looked into his eyes and searched past the Sergeant to find her good friend, latching onto it and not letting go before she spoke further "You know how much I love this job. Don't you?"

"You're one of our best Jen." Matt caught the look in her eyes and was worried instantly "Are you…Jen you're not thinking of leaving are you?"

"No…" She sighed, _now or never Jen don't chicken out on him, or yourself or Nick, _she told herself "Not exactly. Matt…It's…I…" Jen wondered how only moments ago she knew exactly what to tell him and as soon as she was put on the spot the words seemed to just float away

"It's okay Jen." He gave her a smile that told her she was worrying over nothing

"Nick and I are together." She spoke so fast she was sure she hadn't even said anything but the reaction on his face spoke volumes and for a minute or two they sat in complete silence.

Matt wasn't quite sure what to make of what Jen had just told him. He'd be lying to himself if he said he wasn't a little angry. Instantly his mind wandered back to that moment when she had politely declined his offer of a possible relationship. It hurt him then that she didn't feel the same way but he'd learned to live with it. Still, a tiny little ember of what was once a fully-fledged flame still lingered somewhere in him. But then he looked at Jen, past the nerves that were written all over her face he could see that her eyes were only meant for one man and that man wasn't sitting in front of her.

"If you're happy…" Matt managed a smile; if she was happy then he was too "But Jen…you know I can't just sweep this under the carpet. Office relationships, they…"

"I know. We haven't talked about that yet but Matt…that's not all. I'm…" She took a deep breath before looking back at him "Nick…we're…he and I are having a baby. I'm pregnant."

….

To say he was shocked would've been an understatement and part of him knew that he should've been far more upset and angry than he was but he just couldn't bring himself to feel like that. Stanley commended Nick on his decision to come forward and talk to him directly about their situation and whilst it had been going on for a lot longer than he liked there was nothing to be done now. Not only had Nick come forward with their situation he'd also proposed a solution, Stanley didn't like it but it was the only logical one.

"Sorry we didn't tell you sooner…but we were still trying to come to terms with it ourselves. We didn't plan on…"

"No…but now you two, everything's going well?"

"Not at first and it's still rocky but we're getting there. I can't wait." Nick admitted, unable to hide the smile that graced his face just at the thought of becoming a father.

"Do yourself a favour Nick…whatever happens with the job, whatever it makes you do, long hours and late nights. Remember your family comes first." Stanley felt compelled to give that one piece of advice to Nick, he couldn't let anybody make the same mistakes he'd made "Where is Jennifer?"

"She's uhh…breaking the news to Matt. We thought it'd be easier…splitting it up. It's a lot easier to hear one on one." Nick looked into Matt's office with a smile on his face, Jen's panic seemed to have been for nothing

"Nick are you sure you want to go ahead with this?" Stanley asked as they got up out of their chairs and exited his office

"I'm sure, I have to do this. Sarge I couldn't ask Jen to do it, it's just not right."


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N:** Here it is, the last chapter! Hope everyone has enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it :) xx

* * *

**Chapter 21.**

Nick and Jen spent the rest of the day in a painfully awkward silence; it wasn't that she was angry at Nick or resentful towards him. What hurt her was that he hadn't come to her to speak about it before making his decision. Jen wasn't sure what to think. It was a life altering choice he'd made and she hadn't even been consulted, so she made a point not to talk to him for the rest of their shift. However by the time close of play had rolled around and they were in Nick's car on their way home she still hadn't spoken to him. Instantly Nick felt wave upon wave of guilt rush over him, it was a risky move not telling her what he wanted to do but Jen was too stubborn for her own good and there was no way she would've let him do it. And he couldn't stand having another argument with her, they'd been through enough.

He tried countless times to bring the topic up on the drive home but each time she found a new way of avoiding him. She'd turn the radio up so loud he couldn't hear himself think, she'd forage through her handbag, pretend to send a message on her phone and when she'd run out of things to do Jen closed her eyes as though she were napping.

Jen wasn't mad at him for what he'd done and she so desperately wanted to talk to him but she couldn't find the reason as to why he'd chosen to keep it a secret. She didn't want him to protect her all the time.

"Jen…" Nick called out after her as they stepped inside; she made a beeline for the couch. Tucking her feet underneath her she sat down and took off her jacket, allowing it to fall to the ground next to her "I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I understand if you're angry at me…"

"Nick…" She sighed; she could've sworn she saw a look of shame cross his face as he'd spoken "I'm not angry. I promise." Jen patted the space beside her and he sat down, their thighs touching "I just don't understand why you didn't say anything before we went in today. It's not just a transfer Nick; this is the rest of your career we're talking about."

"If I'd told you what I wanted to do would you have let me do it?" He asked

"Well no…I wouldn't have let you but that's not the…"

"That's exactly the point Jennifer." Nick chuckled "You wouldn't have let me leave Homicide. But we both know it was going to be one of us. One of us had to leave and I didn't want that to be you."

Nick leaned in and pressed his lips to Jen's, his fingers tousling her hair "But Nick, Homicide, you love it."

"Truth is Jen I've been thinking about leaving Homicide the moment I knew you were pregnant. And…before you say anything, it's not your fault. But I just don't want to turn up to work one day and find out I'm supposed to solve the murder of a wife, or mother, or child…I don't want that. I've seen enough Jen…it's too much." She watched as Nick's strength crumbled away to reveal to her someone who felt just as vulnerable as she did "Arson squad will be a good change."

Jen was startled by his revelation; she thought Homicide had been Nick's life. He'd already tried leaving once before and it hadn't worked. Within a few years he had found himself back there and coincidentally working with the one person he never thought he would see again. Homicide was the reason they were where they were, if the department didn't exist then there was every chance they'd never have reunited. They owed Homicide everything and she wasn't sure if he could handle not working there.

"Nick you love Homicide. I don't want you to wake up and hate me one day because you're miserable in some other department." He caught her gaze and knew that in part she was right. There was every chance that one day he'd turn around and realise that he wanted to be back in Homicide but he also knew how much the department meant to Jen. He could feel a lump rising in his throat just at the thought of her quivering voice that day she left him. Making sure she never had to go through that again was top of his list, even if it meant that he may end up unhappy with where he was working.

"Jen I know what Homicide means to you. I'm not going to let you give that up."

"Nick, you don't have to protect me." She sighed as she snaked one hand across his shoulder, coming to rest it on the back of his neck "I'm not angry I just…I wish you'd told me. But thankyou…" Jen smiled and reached in for a short kiss "I've had enough being angry at you to last me a lifetime."

They sat together enjoying the sounds of the wind rustling through the trees and the rain against the windows for half an hour. Nick smoothed his hand over her bump again and again trying to gain a grasp on just how it was going to feel in just over four months' time when he met their child. The joy now was almost too difficult to contain and the thought of holding something in his arms that was so entirely dependent on him and Jen was overwhelming. The longer she sat in the comfort of Nick's arms, the emanating warmth from his body covering her like a blanket, the safer she felt about becoming a mother.

"Nick I'm hungry…" She mused as she sat up "Let's eat."

Nick couldn't help but let out a small laugh at the quick change of conversation "What can I get you?" This was it; this was what the rest of his life was going to be like, the two of them with these moments of domestic bliss and he loved that "Toast with marmalade?" She screwed her nose up and groaned at the thought "But you like marmalade."

"It's disgusting…I'm not eating that… why would you even think I'd want _marmalade_?!" Jen walked over to the pantry and opened it, scanning every inch of it for something to satisfy her sudden onset of cravings "Now this…" She smiled with satisfaction as she took the plate of brownies that Nick's mum had brought over the previous afternoon "I think I'll have these." Jen placed them down on the bench and peeled back the gladwrap "Mmmm." She savoured the fudgy chocolate flavour hitting her tongue as she took a bite "Your mum is a good cook Nick. These are…" She went to take another bite but before she could sink her teeth into the gooey brownie Nick jumped off the couch and took it out of her hand, swiping the plate away "What was that for?"

"You can't eat these for dinner Jen." He chuckled, putting them on top of the pantry where he knew she couldn't reach "Now…" Nick walked back to her and drew her in close "You sit down, I'll cook."

Jen tucked herself up on the couch with the throw rug and watched Nick as he busied himself in the kitchen gathering the healthiest ingredients he could find. She didn't have the heart to tell him all she felt like was that plate of brownies, he seemed so happy and at home with what he was doing. Jen closed her eyes and listened to the sounds Nick was making and she could almost see it in her mind, him walking around the kitchen cradling their child close to his chest. Jen could see him rubbing circles on its back as he cooed and babbled to the tiny infant in a way that should've seemed totally unnatural coming from a grown man but seemed completely normal for Nick Buchanan.

She could get used to this.

…**..**

It was near on midnight and Jen was still restless, she tossed and turned in the bed having forgone Nick's arms through fear that she'd wake him up. She was more than just a little tired, she was drained, exhausted, but no matter how hard she closed her eyes sleep was nowhere in sight. Jen could find no explanation for her inability to get some sleep, but as soon as she was ready to get up out of bed and go and sit in the lounge she felt something that sent her heart racing at a million miles per minute.

"Nick…" Jen whispered as she grabbed his bicep and shook him "Nick!" Nick groaned in his sleep and stirred slightly but he didn't wake "NICK!" When she squealed however he sat bolt upright in the bed, dazed and sleepy he turned to face her

"What's wrong?! Are you okay? Is the baby okay?" He rubbed his eyes to see her now sitting up next to him a beaming grin across her face "Jen I love you but if you've woken me up at midnight because baby brain says it wants to talk…

"Look…" She took his hand in hers and placed it on her belly "Nick…"

He felt nothing and despite her glowing pregnant figure he found himself beginning to feel an inkling of resentment, he knew sleep wasn't going to come easily once their baby arrived so if he could avoid losing any now he was happy.

"Sorry…" She sighed as she let go of his hand "Must've been my imagination." Jen felt a little deflated, she was so sure she'd felt something.

"Oh my…Jen…" Nick choked up instantly and he felt an overwhelming rush of emotions flooding through him, there were so many he had no idea what to feel. Love, surprise, proudness, wonderment, disbelief it was all too much for him to comprehend "Jen it'…" The tears welled in his eyes as he looked at her, his spare hand stroking her cheek lovingly whilst the other felt the tiniest little flutter of their unborn child beneath it.

Everything leading up to that point had been so uncertain for both of them. Neither Nick nor Jen really knew if they were ready or able to handle parenthood. Especially when it had been thrust upon them with so little warning, they were in no way prepared for their lives to change so drastically in such a quick period of time. And their relationship had been nowhere near where either of them wanted it to be when they discovered Jen was pregnant. Even in the two months after they'd discovered Jen was pregnant they'd had their fair share of testing moments, moments where they were pushed beyond their limits and left wondering if any of it was really worth it.

But even though they both knew the entire experience wasn't going to be peachy and the happy moments would be in equal share with the difficult ones the doubt they both had seemed to be pushed into the furthermost point in their bodies the second they felt their baby moving about inside of Jen.

"Jen that's…" Nick was lost for words, completely dazed and in awe of the feeling beneath his hand that had since settled "Our…"

"I know." She smiled as they lay back down and she snuggled into his chest "Our little girl." Jen closed her eyes and let the sleep sweep over her, not even realising what she had said. But Nick heard her and he smiled as he stroked her hair until he let his own tiredness take over, his mind already dreaming up exactly what their little miniature Jen looked like.


End file.
